Question

Could you guys give some feedback on a poem I wrote?

Answer 1

It starts with a single seed,
But grows into a monstrous tree.
They'll water it with acid.
And nurture it with their lies.

Knives are cast from the eyes of strangers.
Whispers laced with poison -
They slip from the mouths of your peers,
Writhing like worms, into your ears.

Now the numbers claw at your body.
Now the numbers scratch at your mind.
Take consolation, for you are not one of a kind.

There are no dishes left to clean,
Hunger stains on cutlery cannot be seen.
Instead of the food you used to eat,
You devour whatever the media decides to feed.

A noose with measurements hangs above your head,
Though it prefers to strangle your waist instead.
Yet your heart is forever heavier than the scales.
Please stop now, before you completely derail.

Mirrors will paint abstract art.
Empty greys, for your eyes.
Endless coats, for your stomach and thighs.

The cure is an illness.
The motivation is deception.
You'll never reach this 'perfection'.

Answer 2

gr8 usage of words.I may say. rhyming words makes it spicy.
awesome

Answer 3

Pretty graphic imagery. Forgive me, but what is the poem about?

Answer 4

Absolutely love the imagery. Gorgeous.

Answer 5

very dark indeed. Tempted to say 'take care' and we are all only human. I would say chin up and keep up the good work.

Answer 6

Thank you all :) It's about the impact society has on the peoples' body images.

Is there anything I should change?

Answer 7

I like it very much. Just one thing: I would replace the tree in the first line b/c as a cultural image the association is sort of off (tree of life, growing, etc.) Whereas your topic is more "starving" - you get what I mean? It can also be productive to use the metaphor in an unusual way. If you decide to do that, however, I would take it up throughout the lyrics.