okay i wrote a poem and want to see if this is good enough? It call Sadness.

Question

fools101 · Answer

My heart hurt’s when I can’t have you…
I cry all the time sometimes I feel so alone all the time…
I give up my life for you but you break it all the time… 
My life is so wild that I get confuses, you say you love me but you say you don’t why do you sound so bad?
You took my love and give it away but now I cry I can’t stay away…

anonymous · Answer

just a few suggestions:
I cry all the time sometimes I feel so alone all the time…  *leave off all the time

My life is so wild that I get confuses, you say you love me but you say you don’t why do you sound so bad?  * confused  

My life is so wild that I get confuses, you say you love me but you say you don’t why do you sound so bad? *you say you love me, but then you say you don's

You took my love and give it away but now I cry I can’t stay away…   *gave
*you should separate that last phrase into 2  you.....away should be (1)
Now ...... away should be (2)

anonymous · Answer

leave off the 2nd all the time

fools101 · Answer

so it will be
My heart hurt’s when I can’t have you…
 i cry sometime, I feel so alone all the time…
ohhh ya i see my mistake
 the bottom make no since at all thank u u guys i will fix that

fools101 · Answer

My heart hurt’s when I can’t have you…
 i cry sometime, I feel so alone all the time…
I give up my life for you but you break it all the time… 
My life is crazy that  come in and out and i think if you love me, then shout...
I don't know why I'm so confuse because my love is still with you...

fools101 · Answer

is that better?

anonymous · Answer

I cry all the time, I feel so alone. 
I give my entire life to you,
But you shatter it through and through.
My life is so crazy as you just come and go,
I think... if you love me, then shout!
I don't know why I'm so confused,
But still my love is for you..

I hope this isn't overly revised, but this is how I would begin to smooth out your feelings into these words.

anonymous · Answer

maybe...
I don't know why my mind is so confused,
But still my tired heart is for you...

fools101 · Answer

wow i love it.. thanks !