Question

is the grammar alright?

Answer 1

You need to proof read this before turning it in.

Answer 2

what error do I need to look for

Answer 3

There are a few where you use 'a' before a word starting with a vowel, should be 'an'. Also there was an instance that you were describing a lady's story and you wrote ladies, I did not get the impression there was more than one lady.
I would suggest reading it out loud to yourself as you will catch most errors that way.