Question

Hi everyone! Is any one available to check an essay? It has 238 words.

Answer 1

Post your essay. Someone will likely come along who can help. (To post it, use the Attach File button at the bottom of the text entry box.)

Answer 2

Perfect!

Answer 3

It is an essay for a transfer application. Here it is...

Answer 4

This seems rather short. How long is the essay supposed to be? I'm thinking at least a page and a half, perhaps two? Many universities require three, I believe.

In terms of the language, it's a bit stilted and some of the transitions are odd. It is also very general. Isn't it the case for all children (okay, outside of those extreme cases) that the parents guide them through life? That the parents want their children to study? And the best parents are those who recognize that their children must ultimately choose their own courses of study. If this is meant to be a personal essay, you should say something more about you as an individual and your background.

Then, you say you prefer mathematics to computer engineering. Why? Say something more about that, if your course of study is meant to be a part of this essay.

As for your reasons for choosing this particular school, you do mention them. It would be nice to develop that conversation a little further as well. For example, you might emphasize how inner directed you are and have always been, and give examples of that, so that they understand you are someone well suited to take advantage of this open curriculum.

Unless this is not meant to be an essay at all, but simply a paragraph that you fill in on an application form?

Answer 5

It has to have 1800 characters.

Answer 6

Characters? Not words?

Answer 7

Yes

Answer 8

What is the exact direction for this piece of writing? Can you copy it here?

Answer 9

I understand what you say about the children and parents. I will see how can i change that.

Answer 10

So, you have 1345 characters now, with spaces, but what is important in something so short -- this is a short answer, not an essay -- is that you are really focused on what they're asking you to write about.

Answer 11

yes. It says:
Please tell us more about your interest in transferring: Why does New College of Florida appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

Answer 12

If the point is to say why you want to go to this school and why you are someone who can take advantage of their curriculum --- okay, yes, you've just posted a response. Exactly as I was thinking. So, can you make those opening sentences more specific about how you are motivated from within and how you can develop (perhaps how you already have developed) your own course of study?

Answer 13

There is another essay that I already filled that asks me why I chose math. In that essay I explains that I was planning to study Computer E and then I change it.

Answer 14

I think that is a good idea.

Answer 15

Ah, okay. So what can you tell these people who do not know you about yourself so that they will see you are a student who will succeed in their program? You need to make that case.

Answer 16

Then we can work on the language a bit. When do you have to have this ready by?

Answer 17

Tomorrow

Answer 18

And you have time this afternoon to work on it?

Answer 19

Yes, all afternoon.

Answer 20

Okay, I'll keep a watch out for your next draft. :)

Answer 21

Thanks!!!

Answer 22

Sure thing. :) In about half an hour, I need to leave and I'll be out for at least an hour, perhaps a bit more. I'll check email as soon as I get back in. (Just in case you're ready before I'm back and you're wondering where I've gotten to.)

Answer 23

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Answer 24

Redwood Girl, I have a friend here that is a professor of ENC. He could come at the last minute. i am writing you because I didnt want you to wait in vain. I have already taken much of your time.Thanks!

Answer 25

Oh thank you for letting me know! That's very thoughtful. Good luck!