Question

Would someone care to revise my essay on the legalization of marijuana?

Answer 1

You have to post the essay.

Answer 2

Here is the essay.

Answer 3

It's a little confusing. There is no structure. Try re-writing it using this outline:

Paragraph 1: Introduction - Your thesis should go here. I didn't see a clear thesis. Also, you need to mention at least THREE main points that your paper will be covering.

Paragraph 2, 3, and 4: These are body paragraphs - Each paragraph should discuss only ONE of your main points. Do not go back and forth between points. Discuss one point, in it's entirety, then move on to the next point and the next paragraph.

Paragraph 5: Conclusion - Rephrase your thesis, and mention again your three main points. Summarize your paper. No new information should be added here.