Question

Can anyone edit these lines... please

Answer 1

We sat in a serious mode for a discussion on future plans to conquer the heart of the girl. He gave me step by instructions and was deciding the fate of my love and life. I was excited and happy for sure but my mind had decided to land the action plan to get Pallavi. The plan had successive steps in a balanced manner to avoid any turmoil in reaching the desired goal. From taking phone number to gain her sympathy; lying about my family status; to act like a sober boy and to learn some romantic lines before proposing to her; everything was included in the plan. We had planned a mission now, me as a soldier and Anurag as my commanding officer. I didn’t know what mess the plan was going to create but the aspiration and ambition in our heart was on another height.

“You will have to win this war Steve! You will have to. This is the war of love, war of humanity.” Ram was announcing like a wrathful world war-2 officer. He stood up on the bed; his eyes were glittering like stars. I was watching all these sitting on my bed as an obedient listener of my guru.
One of his hands went straight up and he clinched his fists; and with the other hand, he whistled, whistled long and shrill. I had no idea why he was doing so and I glanced a questioning look towards him.

He came down; put his hand on my shoulder. His face was calm but his emotions were bursting like volcanoes in eyes. “Your fight has begun; this was the announcement of beginning of the brawl.”

Answer 2

It is gramatically correct in every aspect, but there are a few things you could do better. If you want this to be more enticing, try to set up the mood a little better with flowing sentences that blend into the nest, so they wont want to stpo reading. You could also try to being it a bit slower and build up anticipation. It is correct though.