Question

how is this story?

Answer 1

Alphabet Story
By Eugenio Viana
At school, one day in October, there was a game to be played. “Boys versus girls” was how it was split up. Children all prepared for it, as they have done for weeks now. “Don’t cheat girls!” cried all of the boys in unison. “Every boy will cheat!” complained the girls. Finally, the game started and every one was ready for them. Girls seem to be wining the first part of the game. However the boys started to have a gain on them. “I think we’re winning!” cried one of the boys. Jack seemed to have slowed the team down at one point. Katrina saw the opportunity and started to eat faster. Leon did the same after seeing Katrina do so. Making all the boys panic was Michelle, who started to shove the food down her throat. “Not on my watch are those boys going to win” she exclaimed with her mouth full of food. Oscar was determined to win it for his team before Michelle ate the pies and his team’s morale. Pies were made at tons of flavors like apple, cherry, and even pumpkin. Quarry of pies is what it seemed to have looked like. Running to the room where the children were, the nurse ready her bag. “Stop children! Stop now!” she hollers over their yelling and shouting. The last pie was finished, the girl shouting and jumped up and down. Understanding their stomachs, they grasped their mouths and ran to the bathroom. Vomit was smelled from were the boys where at. Walking out, the girls and boys agreed to never do it again. Xylophone music seemed inappropriate to be playing at this time due to the fact that the children were getting excited again. Yelling again, they agreed to have another contest. Zucchini was the new food to eat in the contest.

Answer 2

its suppose to be an alphabet story

Answer 3

check your tenses - they're not consistent

Answer 4

example please?

Answer 5

Children all *prepared* for it, as they *have done* for weeks now.
PAST CONTINUOUS
so those contradict each other
a lot of your sentences are also wordy

Answer 6

umm ok thanks a lot

Answer 7

sure :)

Answer 8

wait i thought it was
have done
doing
will do?

Answer 9

did, doing, will do

Answer 10

ahh sounds better that way. thanks.

Answer 11

sure :)