This is my idea for the beginning of a paragraph in my essay(I was "keying" the paragraph):

Although some students dread freshman year at high school; this is because they concentrate only on the social part.

Could you help with punctuation...It all seems too crowded. Or help me find a different transition word. Anything would help! I've already done the whole essay but this part has me very uneasy.

~Thank you

Question

This is my idea for the beginning of a paragraph in my essay(I was "keying" the paragraph):

Although some students dread freshman year at high school; this is because they concentrate only on the social part.

Could you help with punctuation...It all seems too crowded. Or help me find a different transition word. Anything would help! I've already done the whole essay but this part has me very uneasy.

~Thank you

anonymous · Answer

@robtobey @ganeshie8 @Geometry_Hater @ghazi @Peeps

geometry_hater · Answer

Although [comma] some students dread freshman year at (3) <--- why is there a 3?  high school; this is because they concentrate only on the social part. 

If this is one point then its fine.

anonymous · Answer

The [transition] and the (3) were just things my teacher wanted me to put to label the esssay

geometry_hater · Answer

Well i know he put transition because you probably needed a to transition to a different point better.

anonymous · Answer

my teacher hasn't seen the essay yet; this was part of the "keying" process

ghazi · Answer

although, some students dread freshman year at high school (transition) this is because they concentrate only on the social part.

ghazi · Answer

i am not sure though

geometry_hater · Answer

Well i think that means you should select a better transitioning word

anonymous · Answer

Let me rephrase my question(: How could I edit this to make it better:

Although some students dread freshman year at high school; this is because they concentrate only on the social part.

ghazi · Answer

you forgot comma after although

anonymous · Answer

I think your teacher just wants you to label the parts of your essay that you have been learning.  Just a guess. 

The transition word 'although' tells me that the paragraph before this one discusses the ways students enjoy their freshman year.  'Although' means you are about to state the opposite.

Now, on to your sentence... how about this:
Although, some students dread their freshman year of high school; this is because they concentrate only on the social aspect.

anonymous · Answer

Yes @Peeps that's what I mean. This was my intro to one of the paragraphs. I was just uneasy on how it was in general(:

Thank you everyone!

geometry_hater · Answer

Oh i see i guess i was kinda overlooking the whole thing even though it didnt need that much editing.

anonymous · Answer

Glad I could help!  :)