Question

Can someone please check my PARAGRAPH (Body Paragraph)

Answer 1

I was supposed to write a persuasive essay: "Should High school students be obligated to have a part-time job?"

I want you to read it and tell me if you were able understand it and tell me if I have any errors and tell me what those errors are. If you have any suggestions I will appreciate it too thanks





Teens definitely should have to get a part-time job during high school. They are at a period of stage between childhood and adulthood. In that stage is when they must prepare to become an adult and enter the real world. In which they must be able to support and survive for themselves, or in other words they must be economically independent thus be prepared for the moment they have to leave their parent’s house and have their own life under their own responsibilities. For example my older sister had part-time jobs during her high school years. You could see a very drastically and significant change in her, she was becoming less a “mommy girl” and became an independent and responsible young woman. After getting her associates degree in hospitality & tourism, with no complications at all and in a very reasonable time she was already hired. There is no doubt her experience in part time jobs really paid off and she is now working for a well known hotel company.