Question

Need help with my personal essay!

Answer 1

Just wanna know what i can change or take out.. make it better.

Have you ever thought about how one moment can change your life? Some may say no and others may say yes. Some realize that just one second can change everything but others say "live your life to the fullest" in-till that last breath you take. After that moment, you realize you should have calmed down and not of "lived to the fullest", but that one moment can really have an impact on you. This is the story of my friend, who could have almost died. It only took that one moment to change her life. It is a day I will never forget.

It was a Saturday late afternoon, on our way to the Snake River. The traffic was lined up like a never-ending row of dominoes. Cars going left and right, some are going to the same place and others are going about their life. There were all kinds of cars, minivans, trucks, sport cars, SUV’s, etc , and in many different colors, yellow, red, blue, orange, white, black, purple, green, and many others. Each car with a person or people, who all had different lives, various may be excited about floating the river or about other events. Some people perhaps "Got up on the wrong side of the bed today.” Every day our live starts or ends with a different feeling.

Answer 2

Wow... it's got me hooked already. So far very well written it grabs the readers attention. One thing I did notice that seemed a bit odd was going on about the different cars... I just thought it seemed strange, but if you like it keep it. Overall,great job!

Answer 3

Awesome!!! like about the different cars there are nd colors? which part if u can explain plz :) thanks!!

Answer 4

Well, it's kind of difficult to explain. Maybe others will not notice it,but I just think it kind of stuck out too much. It just seemed like you were going on and on. Just my opinion...

Answer 5

I think that i was goin on nd on.. just didnt know wat to add in.. i think imma take it out. Thanks for the feedback. Heyy would this be a good way to start off my next paragrah. :)

When we finally get there you can feel the summer breeze of a late August day. Hear the gently swaying trees, as autumn time approaches and the leaves start to tumble down.

Answer 6

Yah, sounds good!

Answer 7

Alright.. thanks!! :)

Answer 8

Keep me updated on the story,please. That is, if you are going to share the whole thing...

Answer 9

Yess i will.. if u can help me revise it at the end ;)

Answer 10

Of course!

Answer 11

:)) Thanks SO much!!