Question

Hello! I would love if someone took the time to review my paper for college admission?

Answer 1

I assume they are asking for the standard 750 word essay on your achievements.I like how this paper touches on your personal life. This being said, my opinion is that your essay has a "heavy" feeling to it. Certainly, you have had experiences that many do not go through, but is there a way to mix some of that in with "lighter" material to bring more balance? I would also try to include ways that you have shown that you are a good citizen, after all, colleges are definitely looking for those to fill their campuses with.

Another thought might be to have your paper analyzed for grammatical errors (I noticed a few). If essay writing isn't your strongest skill, seek help, it will matter.

If you can a bit of humor into your essay, that can also go a long way.

I hope this helps, sorry if you already knew all this.
Best of luck