Question

I need help finalizing, correcting, making my thesis better. Here it is: The revolutionary music of Bob Marley did in fact become an inspiration for not only his people, but for the Third World and others that heard his music as well, however this music did not appear out of thin air, it took a lot of inspiration of his own to write such passionate and rebellious songs that came from life, family and friends, his religion, and even his own career; which were not as normal as you think.

Answer 1

Woah! That's a whole lot of thesis! What you have there is more like an opening paragraph than a thesis statement. Now, what's the argument you're trying to make? That Marley's music was an inspiration, or that it's a product of his life? If the former, you can cut out everything before "however" and make it its own sentence. Personally, I like the last idea as a thesis, making the argument that his his music represented his life. Your grammar could use some smoothing out first, though.

Answer 2

Hello?

Answer 3

Too long a sentence. To confusing. Too many clauses.

The revolutionary music of Bob Marley become an inspiration for his people and others that heard his music. This music did not appear out of thin air. His inspiration to write such passionate and rebellious songs came from life, family, friends, religion, and his own career.