Question

CHECK MY GRAMMAR AND HELP ME TRY TO AVOID SECOND PERSON PRONOUNS LIKE "you"!!

this is the body of the essay lol @AriPotta

Answer 1

Do you have breathing problems?! I do, and I hate it! One of the reasons why I hate my nose and would like to change it is because I have breathing problems. Every night I go to sleep I have to put 3 pillows under my head so that I can sleep good. When I went to the doctor, they showed me some medicines I had to take. They gave me so may boxes of pills and liquids! YUCK! I even have to fill a bottle with water and spray it in my nose and the water has to go from one nostril to the other! Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in my pool! Doesn't it suck to have breathing problems?

Do you know what a soap opera is? In Spanish, it is called a Novela. Well I am an actress and I am coming out in a soap opera called Corazon Valiente. Does that give you a hint of why I would also like to change my nose? Well, I come out on TV! Many people watch TV and its embarrassing to see my crooked nose! There are many Critics out there and you never know when one of them might say something bad about my nose. On TV people try to look there best in front of the public. I am one of those people! Hopefully my nose can get fixed soon because I would look better and I wouldn't have to worry so much about my horrible crooked nose.


Another reason why I would like to change my nose is because I would love to be a model. To be a model, You have to be a little bit less than perfect I guess. I know many people use photo shop and they can do it to my nose but what if people see me in person? There going to be like YUCK look at her nose! I don't think people would want me to model for something if I have a crooked nose. Even if I can get a modeling job, I wouldn't be very happy because my nose is just very distracting for me. Since I was very little I dreamt of being a Miss America or something like that. If you have a crooked nose, I get you! It is just HORRIBLE!

Answer 2

oh my

Answer 3

lol sowwy...

Answer 4

@AriPotta ...... r u done? :)

Answer 5

sorry. here's what i have:

Do you have breathing problems? I do, and I hate it! One of the reasons why I hate my nose and would like to change it, is because of these breathing problems. To go to sleep every night, I have to put 3 pillows under my head so I can sleep well. When I went to the doctor, they showed me some medicines I had to take. They gave me so many boxes of pills and liquids. YUCK! I even have to fill a bottle with water and spray it in my nose. The water then has to go from one nostril to the next. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in my pool! Doesn't it suck to have these kinds of breathing problems?

In Spanish, a soap opera is called a Novela. I am an actress and I'm coming out in a soap opera called Corazon Valiente. Does that give you a hint of what my next reason is? Well, I come out on TV! Many people watch TV and it's embarrassing to see my crooked nose. There are many critics out there and I never know when one of them might say something bad about my nose. On TV people, try to look their best in front of the public. I am one of those people! Hopefully my nose can get fixed soon, because I would look better and I wouldn't have to worry so much about my horrible crooked nose.

The last reason why I would like to change my nose, is because I would love to be a model. To be a model, I have to be a little bit less than perfect, I guess. I know many people use PhotoShop and they can do it to my nose, but what if people see me in person? They're going to be like, "YUCK, look at her nose!" I don't think people would want me to model for something if I have a crooked nose. Even if I can get a modeling job, I wouldn't be very happy because my nose is just very distracting for me. Since I was very little, I dreamt of being Miss America or something like that. If you have a crooked nose, I get you! It is just HORRIBLE!

i took away some of your exclamation marks (you had way too many) and rearranged a few things...i would also advice you to not write so many questions

Answer 6

that's what i got without changing TOO many things...it's still your ideas and everything. i would consider getting someone else to look at it though :/

Answer 7

for the second paragraph.... is that comma supposed to be here : On TV people, try to look their best in front of the public.

Answer 8

oh sorry! it's supposed to be "On TV, people try to look their best in front of the public."

Answer 9

what conclusion can i put ??

Answer 10

it has to include this: Topic Sentence (Main Idea for your paper)
Example Sentence #1 (Subtopic)
Example Sentence #2 (Subtopic)
Example Sentence #3 (Subtopic)
Concluding Sentence that repeats the Main Idea

Answer 11

what's your main idea?

Answer 12

something that i would like to change about myself "nose"

Answer 13

so your main idea is "I hate my nose and would like to change it"?

Answer 14

i guess lol

Answer 15

lol ok

Answer 16

When you look in the mirror, you automatically point out flaws. One of my professed flaws is my nose. I hate my nose and would like very much to change it. It is crooked, which leads to breathing problems that affect my every-day life, brings out my own personal critics, and is hindering my desire to be a model.

Answer 17

that sounds more like an intro though :/

Answer 18

but if u put a sentence at the end like having a crooked nose is embarrassing! it would make it a conclusion right?

Answer 19

not necessarily. a conclusion just wraps everything up. it's like a summary

Answer 20

then that is fine .... right?

Answer 21

yea, i think so. if you want to put "Having a crooked nose is embarrassing!" then go for it, it's your paper and grade

Answer 22

ok... thanks :)

Answer 23

no problem :)