Question

I need help in correcting this essay so far, and adding on to it.

Answer 1

in an essay your thesis has to be the last or second to last sentence in the first paragraph.

Answer 2

That always adds another sentence.

Answer 3

Feel free to add on, my computer crashed earlier and I'm having writers block. I'm just trying to clean it up.

Answer 4

you either need a period after "the following day" or a lower case L in loud noises.

Answer 5

You keep it third person narrative I don't see any I's, you's, me's etc.

Answer 6

Grammar wise and without writing in first person narrative it looks good that way.