Is anyone available and willing to proofread a paper for me?

Question

anonymous · Answer

i am

anonymous · Answer

ok ty, please be completely honest as you will not hurt my feelings

anonymous · Answer

hi-- im reading your paper now

anonymous · Answer

I only had time to read the first page, but my tips are:

-Make the title this: "Children Who Commit Murder: Who’s to Blame?" (capitalize it and change the comma to a colon

- change "The first question that comes to mind is how this could happen, what made him do it?" to "The first question that comes to mind is how this could happen? What made him do it?"

-and finally, try not to say "I" very much. It's okay to say "my opinion" but instead of saying "the last thing I would think..." say "the last thing most people would think..." this just makes it seem more professional in my opinion. 

those are my tips :) I really like the topic you chose, by the way.