Question

Im so confused. Can someone help explain to me how I do this?

Rewrite the following paragraph so that the resource material flows with the remainder of the paragraph.

A person considering the cost of school athletics must first consider salaries of coaches, custodians, trainers, and band directors. James Johnson said, "Equipment is another major cost." Equipment includes uniforms for athletes, marching band, pompon line, cheerleaders, and other groups whose function is tied to the athletics program. Equipment includes balls, bats, nets, clubs, laundry and cleaning costs, first-aid suppl

Answer 1

ies, and medical supplies. Johnson also discusses utility costs. "Some are directly related to the sports program such as lighting and air conditioning." Water used by the team for showers should be included.

Answer 2

Flow is using things like your words to lead into the quote better and then transition out better. Let me find a random quote and see what I can do with it.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
Aristotle

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_education.html

That seems random enough.

When examining the the benefits of education today, one must realize that these same advantages have been long touted. Aristotle once said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it," and it is still true to this day that the best critical examinations of ideas are by educated people. To take in an idea, review it, and understand it, has little to do with accepting it.

Now lets look at your assignment:

A person considering the cost of school athletics must first consider salaries of coaches, custodians, trainers, and band directors. = The topic sentence, so everything needs to relate to this idea.

James Johnson said, "Equipment is another major cost." = Sort of a sharp turn to someone adding to the list. Perhaps lead into it more.

Equipment includes uniforms for athletes, marching band, pompon line, cheerleaders, and other groups whose function is tied to the athletics program. = A long list of equipment.

Equipment includes balls, bats, nets, clubs, laundry and cleaning costs, first-aid supplies, and medical supplies. = Another long list of equipment. Sort of messy, and does not come out of the James Johnson quote very well. No connection and just a long, broken list. So I would make the list shorter, summarized, and lead into it better. Then lead out to prep for more James Johnson, because:

Johnson also discusses utility costs. "Some are directly related to the sports program such as lighting and air conditioning."

Water used by the team for showers should be included. And connect this!

OR, you could the change the topic sentence to be more inclusive, move around James Johnson quotes, and then use the other sentences as a foundation for explaining what that means in this case.

Both plans have the same foundation: Make things read like a unified purpose drove their choice. Not some sort of broken collection of words, but a flow with an aim.