Question

writing a song, thinking of calling it broken faith, need feedback



my mind has been broke,
my body battered,
my mind was crushed,
my sould was shattered

with death by my side
the worlds will collide,
in a sea of rage, anger, and pain


... and it will rain



is there anybody out there?,
who knows what its like?
this pain that we share
your living my life


when there's no one to help us,
when we need some help up,
we stand up and say
that we've had enough!

Answer 1

@yrelhan4, @Emo*FAITH* , @summerforever21, @mind2000

Answer 2

@BulletWithButterflyWings

Answer 3

I think its really good.

Answer 4

thanks , tis is only the first part of it :)

Answer 5

:) so far i'm getting good reviews :)

Answer 6

@Ryaan

Answer 7

I LOVE IT :D

Answer 8

Well done. :)

Answer 9

thanks guys just wish i could talk to faith now

Answer 10

Great man ...Thumbs up..:)

Answer 11

@Ryaan your awesome :D

Answer 12

Really? @summerforever21
I don't think I'm awesum...

Answer 13

@Ryaan why not :(

Answer 14

Actually you're awesome :) @summerforever21 ...that's why you think this..

Answer 15

No @Ryaan I think your awesome cus your always there for me when I'm down and you make my day brighter and I'm Summer I'm suspose to be bright. :D

Answer 16

I would go with "broken" rather than broke in the first line. Fits with the other two syllable words at the end of the following lines. Other than that, yeah its cliche ambiguous nonsense.