Please give some feedback on these lyrics.They were written a long while back, and i was told told they are amazing, but I myself am not so sure. Something is off, and i would appreciate some outside opinions. By the way, it was written with the tune and musical arranged in a heavy metal style.
They are copied into the comments below

Question

Please give some feedback on these lyrics.They were written a long while back, and i was told told they are amazing, but I myself am not so sure. Something is off, and i would appreciate some outside opinions. By the way, it was written with the tune and musical arranged in a heavy metal style.
They are copied into the comments below

anonymous · Answer

The wind is blowing like a savage,
Pushing pulling grey clouds in,
Across the sky-it's all I see
I lie here weakly, pulling for air
No one seems to care, they think they've win this fight
But look again. I rise out of the ashes
But they will fall to never rise again
But my mind is spinning, what have I done? Where am I headed?
Has power fled me
Or did I never have it at all
Society is headed straight for death
Corus:
So SCREAM for me! I need to find my voice
Can I stop what I have started?
SCREAM! Is everyone deaf to reality?
Reality! Shout! Before it is too late!
Degenerated generation
Listen to a dying voice
Retune yourself to olden wisdom
Before we all die out
Verse 2
Nintendo occupying hands of boredom
iTunes screaming in our ears of lost but perfect love
T.V.s playing at our eyes
Buy! Buy! This will fix the world
But has it worked yet? Yes would be a lie
And love may be the answer
But we won't find it here in senseless flatteries
Where we are kings and queens of sports and rock n roll
When in reality we are the kings and queens of broken hearts
Broken promises, wasted dollar bills
And we end in the pit of shame

anonymous · Answer

TO be honest the more i look at them the more i am beginning to think they are pretty crappy

bagelini · Answer

I think they're good. heavy metal isn't really my favorite, but i think it has a good message and i can totally see this.

anonymous · Answer

Thanks so much:)

anonymous · Answer

Hey--nice lyrics. Post a cover using them sometime :)

anonymous · Answer

will do:)

anonymous · Answer

I love em'!  Honestly, they would make a beautiful song, heavy metal or not!  :)

anonymous · Answer

thanks for your input everyone:)  wasn't so sure if i should do a cover but i guess i will now

anonymous · Answer

thats really good, but I suggest you change win to won in your sentence 'they think they've win this fight'. also it's chorus, not corus @*Sumiko*

anonymous · Answer

very good thank you so much. I missed those typos.

anonymous · Answer

np