how can i improve this opening paper so far i have to write about a influential person in my life!.....Judson/Wise pd 9/10
Every one has a person that influences them sometime in their life. Some influences are positive while others are negative. My biggest influence in my life is my cousin Corey. Corey was a straight A student who was the val victorian of his high school class and graduated from college in the top ten of the whole university (exact spot unknown).
this is the opening intro thing

Question

how can i improve this opening paper so far i have to write about a influential person in my life!.....Judson/Wise pd 9/10
	Every one has a person that influences them sometime in their life. Some influences are positive while others are negative. My biggest influence in my life is my cousin Corey. Corey was a straight A student who was the val victorian of his high school class and graduated from college in the top ten of the whole university (exact spot unknown).
	this is the opening intro thing

anonymous · Answer

Every one has someone that influences them the most. Some influences are positive while others are negative. The biggest influence in my life is my cousin, Corey. Corey was a straight-A student who was the valedictorian of his high school class; he also graduated from college in the top ten of his whole university.

(Just tweaked it a little bit.)