Question

plz hep with this very very short story
revise and edit

Answer 1

It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin.
“ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told.
“Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason.
“Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.”
“Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended.
Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out.
Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.

Answer 2

@Falco276

Answer 3

hmmm okay so it just needs edited? it looks just fine to me

Answer 4

i want the story to end by saying dr. mason and jaden fall in love

Answer 5

so you need help with the ending?

Answer 6

yeah and making the story make sense and gramatically correct

Answer 7

hmm okay im a little busy right now, but ill see what i can do

Answer 8

hy whaat grade are u in?

Answer 9

im in 9th

Answer 10

me 2 honors 9

Answer 11

cool :)

Answer 12

okay, i would suggest adding in Jaden more at the beginning of the story, and make her act like she like dr. mason, so that way it makes a little more sense. but overall, i think its good :)

Answer 13

how would i end it

Answer 14

@Ashleyisakitty

Answer 15

@ganeshie8

Answer 16

@texaschic101 @help123please.

Answer 17

@Compassionate

Answer 18

I am not much of a writer, but I agree with KattGirl a little bit in the way that if the story is about Dr. Mason and Jaden falling in love, you are putting too much in there about Jerry and not enough about Jaden.

Answer 19

i have a part one where i talk about jaden

Answer 20

oh...well that makes a difference.

Answer 21

wat should i title it

Answer 22

Secret Love ?? lol

Answer 23

heres my story feel free editing
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_w3wOJUvmFuayiwDnkL3_90rgkt-yfqZnPxfdGzp1G8/edit

Answer 24

@help123please.

Answer 25

what do you think for title

Answer 26

It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason’s cabin.
“ Dr. Mason, you called me ? My name is Jerry “ he told.
“Yes, Jerry you are my next patient, come on in I am ardent to help you out with your problem”told Dr. Mason.
“Sit down and tell me Jerry what's wrong. Just ponder me as a friend.”
“Okay I shall be regaled to begin.” tom ended.
Dr. Mason’s radio starts playing a song called "I'll be missing you". Tom right at that spec of moment Jerry starts visualizing his mother’s and wife's tragic death. With that in mind, he starts puffing and huffing and put himself in a fit. Jerry tarts to procure a vase, boos, suitcase, etc and throws to throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos and decides to help Dr. Mason out.
Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason’s arms.
_____________________________________________________________________________

>It was half an hour later when another patient named Jerry showed up at Dr. Mason's cabin
(Good)

>"Dr. Mason, you called me? My name is Jerry." SAID HE
>"Yes, Jerry, you are my next patient. (PERIOD) Come on in, I am ardent to help you out with your problems." REPLIED DR. MASON.

>Sit down, (Comma!) and tell me Jerry, (Comma!) what's wrong? (Question mark!) Just ponder me as a friend. (Ponder? That doesn't make sense. I suggest using a new word.)

>"ALRIGHT (Never use 'okay') I WILL (Not SHALL) be regaled to begin." TOM REPLIED

>Dr. Mason's radio STARTED playing a song called: "I'll be missing you." Tom, right at that MOMENT (No need for the 'spec'), Jerry starts visualizing his mother's and wife's tragic death. With his mind, he starts puffing and huffing and PUTS himself in a fit(Considering rearranging and changing some words "Puts himself in a fit." doesn't make much sense.)

>JErry STARTS to produce a vase, boos, and suitcase (NEVER USE "ETC") and throws them at Dr. Mason. Jaden, (COMMA!) the assistant, enthralled, hears the ruckus and chaos, THEN (not AND) decides to help Dr. Mason.(Not need for the OUT)

>Jaden trips over something and falls into Dr. Mason's arms. (This is correct.)

Answer 27

>The Adventures of Tom, Jerry, and Jaden

How about: Jerry, Tom, and Jaden's Big Adventure

Answer 28

like it u have anything btter and i hav to use ponder it means to consider

Answer 29

hey guys i have to end the story but how?

Answer 30

i have to still use the worsd sheer and elicit

Answer 31

>Just ponder me as a friend

Ehrm, that doesn't make sense, Tahmina.

Ponder doesn't really mean 'to consider'

>"He pondered about the mysteries of our universe." <- That makes sense.

>"Just ponder about who you are - who I am, as a friend." <-- That make sense.

>Just ponder me as friend <-- That does NOT make sense.

Answer 32

how shold i use it then in this sotry

Answer 33

synonyms: think about, contemplate, consider,
i know it doesnt make sense but i have t put it in the story

Answer 34

ur right but i have no idea whrre to place it

Answer 35

Rephrase your sentence and use a sentence I suggested.

Answer 36

i use the second one but hoe cn i end he stry

Answer 37

@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Answer 38

I haven't even read your story.

Answer 39

plz do

Answer 40

compassionate plz do read

Answer 41

@Compassionate ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Answer 42

I can't now. I have to go. I already edited and told you what to do. End it how you want.

Answer 43

okay :)

Answer 44

thanks for all the help