Question

Guys,can you please comment
on a 5-minute-dialog-story?
I want to know your opinion, please!

Answer 1

Well really it is a 7-8 minute story.... anyway....

The majority of the people nowadays show off with their righteousness, when really they are wicked. These people are known as hypocrites they say that everyone should believe in God and do things that are immoral not only according to specific faith, but also secular morality. They claim they are altruistic, when in deed they are absolutely apathetic and cheat others. Mr Arthur Adams was that type of person, he misled people who trusted him.
Once upon a time he met Dr James Clark, a young surgient, who worked in a hospital doing eye surgeries, who owed lots of money to the bank. Mr Adams was his patient, he had a piece of tissue stuck in his eye, which Dr James successfully removed. After the surgery Mr Adams looked up and when he saw that Dr Clark felt released he wanted to get up, however Dr Clark realized that before Mr Adams could get up and said, “Mr Adams, before you go, you have to lay down and relax with eyes closed so that your eye can have a rest from the surgery.”
Mr Adams came down and replied “I understand, thank you!” They paused for about two minutes, it was absolutely silent, only ticking of a clock was heard. Mr Adams was the first to cease the pause, he added, “by the way, Dr Clark, if you need any help I'll try my best to help. My address is 1923 Sandy Springs, you can come for a help at any time.”
“Thank You, Mr Adams” Replied Dr Clark, and then added “have a good day!”
Couple years later, Dr Clark and his small daughter where going to Atlanta to visit her grandmother, they took lots of staff it was about three travel-bags full of stuff, which included the money he owed. He thought that the smartest thing would be is to put the money inside the travel-bag rather than his bag; and after he arrived to the railway station, he saw Mr Adams. Surprisingly, he was sitting on a flour and didn't use any of the empty chair that were in the station coffee.
Dr Clark started walking towards Mr Adams, and asked “How are you?” he took about six more steps towards Mr Adams and asked him “Mr Adams why are you sitting on the flour?”
“Hey Dr Clark” exclaimed Mr Adams, “how is it going?”
“Good, how are you!” replied Dr Clark, “but what's going on?”
Mr Adams looked at Dr Clark's and said “Not so great.”
“Why?” wondered Dr Clark.
“Whatever?” answered Mr Adams; “tell me more about how are you and where are you going?”
Dr Clark smiled and said, “Well nothing is new, other than that we are going to visit my daughters grandmother” and he pointed at his daughter.
Mr Adams also smiled, he paused for a second bended down to Dr Clark's daughter and asked her ”what grade are you in?”
“First” she replied!
“OK!” said Mr Adams, look at the doctor and then added “you have a nice daughter!”
Dr Clark suavely answered “Thank You Mr Adams “, looked at the clock and said “the train will arrive in fifteen minutes.”
“Really?” asked Mr Adams “what time is it? Two O'clock?”
“Yes,” said Dr Clark.
Dr Clark felt that his daughter is pulling the sleeve of his jacket down and asked her “Yes honey, what do you want?”
She continued pulling his sleeve, she wanted him to bend down to quietly tell him something. Dr Clark understood that and squatted in front of her holding out his ear towards her mouth and she said, “Daddy, I want to go to the bathroom!
Dr Clark got up and asked Mr Adams “can you please make sure that no one takes our staff? I am going to take my daughter to the bathroom and then comeback?”
“Sure!” replied Mr Adams, smiling and looking warmly at Dr Clark, and he repeated “Surely!”
“Thank You Mr Adams, honestly! I preciate that!”
“Of-course! No problem!” exclaimed back Mr Adams.
When Dr Clark came back, Mr Adams and the Travel bags disappeared and now all of the sudden
Dr Clark lost the money to pay his debt, their cloth, his daughters notebooks; they are both despaired. The only thing they have left is tickets for the train; but would they go to his daughters grandmother? No, because what would they tell the grandmother?
Don't trust people too much, unless you have a legitimate reason to! If you met someone couple years ago, it's of course not enough to trust a person especially when it comes to watching your staff when you are absent. Trusting such a people can lead to losing vitally important things that directly have to do with your life.

Answer 2

It is an allegory,
How good is it? Scale 1-10

(1 is bad 10 is excellent, you van use 9.5 , 6.5........ as well)

Answer 3

@mathstudent55, @robtobey, @Luigi0210, @thomaster, @hba, @dan815.

can you read and grade this from 1-10 whenever you like to; I'll keep this question for a while.
scale from 1-10 and comment, please. I want to know what should I work on when it comes to writing an essay.

Answer 4

I give 8.9 :) Cool, but some spelling errors and I saw no commas where there should've been when speaking, etc..

Answer 5

You should add periods after Mr. and Doctor. It sounded pretty informal too, just my opinion ill give it a 6.8

Answer 6

8/10. There were some punctuation and spelling issues but other than that, good job!

Answer 7

I'll give u a 9 :-)

Answer 8

its nice :) i'll give you 7.5
most of the errors have already been pointed out :)
sorry for the late response.