Question

Hey guys, please comment on my Essay. I would be obliged. Thanks

Answer 1

These were the instructions:
Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Answer 2

Here is the essay is wrote.
Recommendation states that Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. It has cited many arguments that they have teachers who have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world and many of their students have become professional dancers with top dancing companies. There are several questions, whose answers would help us evaluate the efficacy of the argument.
Argument states that of all the dance school in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program and it is the clear choice for any child. One important question to seek answer is that does all children in Elmtown who are interested in dance want to learn ballet? There are numerous other dance forms and more girls pursue ballet than boys. It could be the case that there are other dance schools in Elmtown which teach several dance forms and not just ballet. This would undermine the claim that Pirouettes is the clear choice for any child.
One of the argument mentions that Pirouettes' teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. While this may be true, but we would still need to answer many questions to evaluate the efficacy of the recommendation. The argument doesn't mention that how many teachers or percentage of teachers have actually danced in prestigious ballet companies.It could be case that only half or less than half of the teachers have done so, that would seriously undermine the claim of the recommendation. As not all students across different program would get to learn from the teachers who have actually danced in prestigious ballet companies. While the teachers may be good dancers themselves but they need to be good teachers to actually inculcate the qualities they have in their students. Learning to teach take years of hard work and working with students. It would be worthwhile to know how many years teaching experience does the teachers of Pirouettes School have.
The argument mentions that many of their students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dancing companies, while this sounds like a solid argument. But did the students directly join top dance companies or they learned other nuances of ballet in some other schools or worked with small dance companies before joining top dancing companies. Generally people learn the nuances of their profession and here dancing in particular when they actually work in a company. It could be the case that only a fraction of students directly got hired in a top company and many worked in small companies for years before bagging a job with a top dancing company.
We would need answers to these questions before we could claim the recommendation reasonable, as such on its own it is flawed.

Answer 3

@Ashleyisakitty @e.cociuba @jagatuba Please give your valuable comments.
Anyone can give their comments, I know only a few people here.
Thanks

Answer 4

In my opinion, it's a well-written essay, but just make sure to indent paragraphs, ya know.

Answer 5

thanks @BulletWithButterflyWings :)

Answer 6

You are very much welcome.

Answer 7

@e.cociuba If you have some time, could you give your valuable comments?

Answer 8

hey I liked your essay every well written. It's nice how you made sure there weren't any run on sentences, sentence fragments or other mistakes. great job. On problem though indenting. be careful with those :)

Answer 9

@Loveless13 Thanks for your appreciation, yes I would keep that in mind.