Can you guys look at my introduction and give feedback?
In 2008, the financial firm JG Wentworth released a commercial that became instantly popular all over the country. The firm attempted to inform the public about its services with chubby actors in Viking hats and silly costumes. They’re all singing and smiling while they move in stiff unison. While the average person would see this as nothing but harmless advertising, that does not eliminate the fact that the JG Wentworth commercial, and a number of other advertisements, play upon the stereotype that operas are humorous (continued)

Question

Can you guys look at my introduction and give feedback?
In 2008, the financial firm JG Wentworth released a commercial that became instantly popular all over the country. The firm attempted to inform the public about its services with chubby actors in Viking hats and silly costumes.  They’re all singing and smiling while they move in stiff unison. While the average person would see this as nothing but harmless advertising, that does not eliminate the fact that the JG Wentworth commercial, and a number of other advertisements, play upon the stereotype that operas are humorous (continued)

anonymous · Answer

productions with fat singers, silly Viking costumes, and pieces with staggeringly high pitches capable of breaking bulletproof glass.

anonymous · Answer

you need to indent, don't put a coma after 2008, instead of "they're all" it should be everyone was. 

Other than that, it was very good. Well done.

anonymous · Answer

Great job! @Loveless13 is correct

anonymous · Answer

thank you!

anonymous · Answer

anyone else?