Question

Constructive criticism on this poem please :) Will post in comments.

Answer 1

I just met you, and yes I know. It is wrong to be seen, or even talk. But deep down rule breaking is in our blood. The sugar rush has leaped into effect, and we are criminals tonight. You can’t tell us any different, we won’t listen. We are too caught up in each other to understand a word that you say. The next moon will show us our destruction, show you your proof. You thought we were angels, didn’t you? We’ll you thought wrong. Now it’s time for us to take over. For us to take rain, no more rules, we need freedom. 18 is the magic number. 

Answer 2

@Momo_
@kewlgeek555 ??

Answer 3

Wow, I really like!

I just wish you would have seperated the lines ( at least some of them ), instead of it being one big chunk, since it's a poem. And there a few things I need to correct.

"But deep down" should be "But deep down inside, ..." since that flows more easily.

"You thought we were angels, didn't you?" Doesn't sound right. It breaks the flow. It should be "You thought we were angels, but you thought wrong". It flows more with the poem itself, since I now know the mood/emotion of the poem.

"For us to take rain" should be a sentence. "... For us to take rain. No more rules, we need freedom..."

And the last line was a bit confusing and threw me off. Left me wondering... in a good way, but at the same time in the wrong way. I was wondering what the heck the number 18 has to do with the poem, and I guess it's some... paranormal/beast thing? Ghosts or demons or creatures taking over. BUT ANYWAYS, about the last line, I think it should be connected to the line before it with 3 dots. Let me show you -

"No more rules, we need freedom... 18 is the magic number."

Sounds better, eh? Well, in my opinion.

Sorry for the extremely long post! I hope Open Study doesn't have a character count because it does, I probably exceeded it!

I hope I helped! If you need more help, just reply or message me.

♥

c;

Answer 4

Those are good ideas and 18 is meant to represent when we don't have to listen to our parents anymore lol :)

Answer 5

the age

Answer 6

Ooh! Oh my gosh, I'm so retarded.

cx

Answer 7

lol no !! :)

Answer 8

♪ ♪ ♥ ♥ ♥♠♦♣o he he :)