Hey! I know this is math, but I haven't had much luck in English. Could anyone help me with my thesis?
Just need it proof read and some feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Question

Hey! I know this is math, but I haven't had much luck in English. Could anyone help me with my thesis? 
Just need it proof read and some feedback would be greatly appreciated.

shamil98 · Answer

Post it.

anonymous · Answer

Culture is a big part of everyone’s life. It is an inescapable force that had continuously molds one's identity from birth to death. In the film 'Bend it Like Beckham' created by Gurinder Chadha, the protagonist Jessmindar Bhamra perfectly personifies the conflict between desire and obligation. Jess desires to live in the world of football but it is covered by an obligation to family values. A well execution of the film technique, foreshadowing allowed the audience to simply feel the trance of following the dream. In contrast, Chadha exposes the audience to the hardship and setbacks Jess endures as well as her family through the use of the film technique of shot reverse shot capturing the cause and effect of each choice.

anonymous · Answer

That was my first one. The second one, is much more simpler but I don't feel like its an A- to B+ thesis. Should I post it as well?

usukidoll · Answer

Culture is a an inescapable force that molds an identity from birth to death, and it's a part of everyone's life. hmmm maybe like that for the first sentence

usukidoll · Answer

Culture is a an inescapable force that molds an identity, and it's a part of everyone's life. <--- or this?

shamil98 · Answer

A grammar error in sentence 2 corrected:
 It is an inescapable force that has continuously molded people's identity from their birth to death. 
change had to has.
"it is an.." <--- present and continuous
you want to keep the tense of your essay in the same tense.
and your first sentence is about everyone, so make sure you keep that ,

shamil98 · Answer

their births to their deaths*

usukidoll · Answer

but you can't be wordy on an essay

usukidoll · Answer

In  Gurinder Chadha's film, "Bend It Like Beckham"....

usukidoll · Answer

last sentence is kind of run-onish

shamil98 · Answer

In contrast, Chadha exposes the audience to the hardship and setbacks
change this to -  hardships and setbacks -
you want to make sure you use parallelism

usukidoll · Answer

yup I remember parallel writing in my business writing course

usukidoll · Answer

Dear insert person: 
   Our records indicate a missed payment of $20.00 on September 4, 1998 in your account. Please resolve this issue as soon as possible or your water service will be disconnected. 
                           Sincerely,
                            
                             some person

anonymous · Answer

Thank you for the feedback it's extremely helpful. I struggle with English a lot more than I wish.

usukidoll · Answer

I plan on double majoring in English and Math...if you need more help just ask ;)