Question

Need A Check On My Answer - Help!

Answer 1

Use temporal transitions to revise the following paragraph. You may need to create additional details or information. Use proper spelling and grammar.

Leah grabbed her purse and got on the bus. She pulled out her phone to text her friend. Someone on the bus asked her about her phone. The bus arrived at the mall, and Leah got out. She had forgotten her purse!

Answer 2

Leah grabbed her purse and got on the bus. Then she sat down and pulled out her phone to text her friend. As she was messaging her friend, someone on the bus asked her about her phone. They talked for such a long time about it! After what seemed like days, the bus finally arrived at the mall, and Leah got out. She watched as the bus sped away, waving goodbye to the new friend she made on the bus. All of a sudden, Leah remembered something! Her purse! Turns out that she left it on the bus!

Answer 3

A HUE ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

Answer 4

Just needed a grammar and spelling check - The Dialogue and Transition thing drives me crazy =_=

I Wrote This:
8:30 PM - Leah grabbed her purse and got on the bus. She sat down and pulled out her phone to text her friend. Looking around, the bus seemed to be empty. She felt a bit worried, as the bus she rode was always full. Luckily she had her phone, and her friends many messages to reply to. Leah was occupied for the time being, and wasn't all that worried anymore. Then, out of the blue, a boy came out of nowhere! Leah was shocked! The boy walked toward Leah, and sat right by her. He kept staring at her and her phone. Not knowing who the boy was, Leah began to sweat. She turned pale and her legs began to quiver. She was scared out of her socks, and riding on a deserted bus during the night made it even worse! But it seemed that the boy only wanted to ask her about her phone! Leah sighed for relief and began calming down.
They talked about the phone and introduced themselves to each other. Their conversation seemed to go on for years! Shockingly, it turned out that the boys name was Max, just like Leah's brothers name! As time passed by, Leah felt more at ease on the bus and around Max. She wasn't at all worried or scared anymore!
Then, just when the clock struck nine, the bus arrived at the mall. Leah waved goodbye to Max, who waved goodbye back. As the bus got further and further away, Leah noticed something...she had forgotten her purse!

And This:
Ashley talked to his family for hours about how much he wanted a puppy.

"I don't believe that you have time to care for a puppy right now," said his mother.
"Your mother's right Ashley! You have a ton of work to do," said his father.
"You are so behind! Not only on your work, but in school too! The last thing you need is a puppy Ashley," shouted his brother.
"I promise to catch up on my work! I'll finish my homework and get back on pace," Ashley cried. "I'll even do extra chores for a month if I must! I'll come up with a plan!"

Ashley's family thought and thought. It took them forever, but they finally gave in.
- @undeadknight26 How Does It Look? ^_^

Answer 5

IN:
Luckily she had her phone, and her friends many messages to reply to.
i think friends needs Friend's. since its owner ship over the text messages.

Answer 6

Ah! I see!

Answer 7

IN:
Shockingly, it turned out that the boys name was Max, just like Leah's brothers name
same mistake :D...its boy's since its the boy's name.

Answer 8

So many mistakes *-*

Answer 9

llol other than that it looks splendid...

Answer 10

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

Answer 11

Thank you Knight!