Question

I need some advice on where i need to edit....

Answer 1

Changing the World

Making an impact on the world would be an amazing and exciting event. However it would definately not be easy to accomplish. In my point of view, the most important key points to changing the features of the world from several angles would be: for peace to flow in each individual's heart and home, for eveyone to be physically and environmentally healthy, by reducing the chemical hazards around the world, and I wish to be able to change the base at the various levels in society. These developments in the world would provide us social, living tranquility.

Unfortunately, the small world, that we inhabit, faces an issue that has remained since mankind existed: lack of peace between families, groups, and individuals. The essence of the problemis a variation of peace and conflict, and the two will be found as long as there are human beings with numerous critisizms and diversity features in each individual. So it does not seem that we can reach any positive results from any discussion, unless we, together, pass the diversity relationship in the sense of peace. If each individual respects the rights and freedoms guaranteed to other individuals, and any resentment disappears, our precious planet would not witness wars. If someone finds inner-peace , he/she will sense unity and harmony through-out our entire world. One must grasp his/her own peace, and must accept another individual's differences in order to appreciate the true meaning of peace. Many people in history mentioned the presence of peace and tranquility: Benjamin Franklin: "There was never a good war or a bad peace" and Martin Luther King Jr. said: "True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice." If we can gain unity together, we can also work towards an environmentally healthier atmosphere.

There is no doubt that the chemicals have played an important role in the evolution of human societies throughtheir use in all activities of: scientific, industrial, agricultural, petrolium, medical, commercial, military and domestic uses. these chemicals also helped to improve the quality of life, but it led to the exposure of human health and the environment to many risks, while in processes of transporting, storing, and disposing them. The use of chemicals was suggested so that there are improvements in daily life, but unfortunately, the cause of chemicals effects our crops that we plant in order to grow fruits and vegetables. This means that all the people having concerns of generations of hazardous waste and environmental pollution make plans of: how to transport, exchange, and store chemicals safely. My solutions of chemical issues are to either dispose them in ways that are safe-based, or to re-process them through sound science, information, and accurate data. However, chemical pollution in our environment is not my major concern and there is another major change I want to accomplish in our world.

My most sincere wish, and most inspiring changewould be that one day we do not find a single person in this world that is poor, but regaining his/her own precious human life, that he/she greatly deserves. It seems so logical and so fair of people to live in one level, and not that one individual is preferred over another. In order for us to have no "rich", or no "poor" we must be generous enoughto divide our subsistences and money between all people evenly. Each individual will be granted comfort, safety, social life, physical health, environmental quality,(etc.), but most of all they will all feel connected and sense equality among each other. I can't say I can change the level of each person, but I'm saying that, only, together we can work as one to transform these different level standards. Each individual must be aware of hunger concerns, homelessness, and many other issue, but people also have to be inspired by them and try to change them. By us acting as one, we will feel unity, understand one another, and actually create a new form of equal living

If I can influence the world in these three areas, I would feel like I have accomplished so much, but even this would not satisfy me, because the world has so many other areas that need to be revised. By peace dwelling in each soul, we can actually develop some environmental advances , together and adjusting to life would be so much easier and simpler, because conflict would not occur.This would be possible if we all live in the same level and no person feels pain because of poorness. I wish that no child dies of hunger, no humiliation of a father because of poverty,and a mother never becomes insulted becomes of her social status. Let's change all the "if's" and all the " I wish"s" into reality and make all that I hope to change, possble........togther, as one.

Answer 2

I have to admit, I just skimmed it. I would say it's pretty good. I notice some punctuation and spelling mistakes though and quite a bit for me to correct... But please revise on how you used commas. And at the end I don't think you're allowed to put the ... in formal writing. Just use a comma I think. Good job Venus :)

Answer 3

You can always ask in the Writing Section on OpenStudy.

Answer 4

OK! Thank you very much!!!

Answer 5

ANd ill put it in the writing section next time... thanks @beccaboo333

Answer 6

You can ask it here and in writing, so you can get double the feedback

Answer 7

thats exactly what i thought...

Answer 8

The preposition "in" is out of place here. Did you mean "From my point of view" or "In my opinion"?

Answer 9

I meant what i wrote, but do u think i should change it??? would it sound more fluent if i do....