Question

could someone help me edit this?

Answer 1

Need to know your grade level please. I don't want to give university level feedback on a 10th grade paper. :)

Answer 2

I revised it a bit, hope it is not too late. Still, check for some grammar errors or run on sentences.

Answer 3

its a 10th grade paper.

Answer 4

This is the newer one.

Answer 5

@jagatuba

Answer 6

I like it

Answer 7

but does it need any editing.