Question

I was told to post this here, would love any input and constructive criticism.

Answer 1

A sweet beacon of life, a special symbol of light.
Who's beauty has no right, to form, in a world full of strife.
When she set her sights on me, I felt my spirit sit in fear.
For how should I have known that she would regard me as her dear?
My soul has since been calmed, my mind very clear.
My eyes have dropped, not one single tear.

Still a fear remains.
How long will it be?
Till her passion strains.
The day my tears would form an entire sea.
That time has yet to come, so from me there is no complaint.

Answer 2

L1 a beacon is a signal light, so the first line has a redundancy
L2 where else would beauty be valued as much as in a world full of strife? So the right to exist is amplified if at all changed.
L3 Is it fear when we have nothing to lose? It is emancipation. Can use eager instead of fear. example:" I felt my spirit sink, eager"

In the last few lines, "crying over lost love" think a little beyond. The thing to remember is that love is one word free of all the meaning we may attach. It is unique for everyone yet the same in a primal way. So tap deep inside of yourself and anticipate what a broken heart feels like, try to bring it out through words, no matter what or how hard you try the pain would still be uncharted and much more intense. A sea of tears would hardly suffice. think beyond the tears and the pain, think what a broken heart can lead you to. Maybe immersing you in your work and achieving something spectacular. Do not restrain yourself to the meek submission of emotional burden.
A Phoenix flies after has turned to ash.