Question

HELP PLEASE IM GIVING MEDALS

Answer 1

PLEAS REVISE THIS



Why do women still have to deal with being neglected? Even in the United States women are ridiculously disrespected, recently Michael Boyce was accused of fatally shooting his wife, Alexis Boyce - who was eight months pregnant - inside the Orlando apartment they shared with the woman’s parents. One of her unborn twin sons died, but the other was still alive and listed in critical condition at Winnie Palmer Hospital. Women have been facing these types of obstacles such as being raped at young ages, kidnapped, killed for no reason, beaten, and just tortured from the beginning of time, hopefully they won’t always have to but most likely they will unfortunately.

Answer 2

Okay... its off to a good start however it needs some work. First off don't use rhetorical questions; especially in your first sentence. Another thing neglected and disrespected are two different things. I don't really think that women are any more neglected than men. I like how you put an example in there I just don't think that the one you choose was good for this particular paragraph. I get what your trying to say but I think you need to elaborate on it more to give your audience a better understanding. You mention that women are disrespected in the united states as well. Why is this remark important? I get it's important but in order for this sentence to have meaning you need to elaborate on it. Also you list struggles women have but explain to me why this happens and how...go in depth on that and don't be afraid to add some emotion to your voice. These are amazing examples but there nothing without a little explanation. The last thing I wanted to say was how you end it. End it with something that gives your paper reason... why did you write it in the first place? To educate is the vibe I got. I know this is a lot of information but I hope it helps.

Answer 3

Hey ispike, you said you were writing a story?

Answer 4

?

Answer 5

Just messaged you I don't want to fill up all these responses

Answer 6

thank you so much @ispike

Answer 7

no prob