Question

This is the 1st song I have ever written! Opinions please. If it needs more or anything at all. I'm open to suggestions.

Answer 1

Jack Frost
By:Snow Elizibeth

Even though I can't see you now
Doesn't mean I can't fee your hand
Upon my shoulder now
When you step in the room
I can feel your near
Take a breath and I'll see
Where you stand
Even though you don't know I can see you
Even though you don't know I believe
I feel your presents here in the room
So please oh please
Look at me in the eyes
See what I see
Your the only person like me
That can freeze
With only a touch
With only a movement
Just take a step with me
See what I can see
(But yet you can't)
I am what I am
You can't
See what all I can be
It's because
I'm invisible to you an everyone else
Even though you can't see me now
Doesn't mean you can't feel my hand
Upon your shoulder now
Look at us
Separated
By fate

Answer 2

@DullJackel09
@doglove80
@Darry&Gator
@Data_LG2
@damien
@Destinymasha
@crazy_gurl99
@CrazyCountryGirl
@CrazySouthernGurl101
@CrazySouthernGurl14
@HelpBlahBlahBlah

Answer 3

@Hollywood_Undead

Answer 4

besides spelling, it's beautiful...

Answer 5

lol @Destinymasha im a bad speller

Answer 6

@Hollywood_Undead thank ya ^_^ I saw the movie Rise of the Guardians and thought of it it just came to mind thinking bout that movie and Frozen

Answer 7

it's ok ...lol :}

Answer 8

:) five thumbs up

Answer 9

ya I've never been good with spellin words

Answer 10

thanks @DullJackel09

Answer 11

Only got one thing to say stay humble in your singing

Answer 12

I don't sing much so I'd need some help

Answer 13

@justnick09

Answer 14

if any of yall got some ideas how to do the background music let me know

Answer 15

Thanks for the medal @DullJackel09

Answer 16

Thanks for the medal @Hollywood_Undead

Answer 17

@ilovalsfood
@FlvsGirl
@jswagger
@JessicaBBY
@LastDayWork
@Nurali
@Marco,Phillip
@mangorox
@rose21

Answer 18

@okrzesik10
@secret66
@thomaster
@YvonneKC

Answer 19

Do you have the sheet music for it yet?

Answer 20

like the music and stuff on paper? other than the lyrics?

Answer 21

i like that song alot

Answer 22

I love it!

Answer 23

lol this is the 1st song ive ever written but i do write a lot of poetry. thanks everyone

Answer 24

thanks :)

Answer 25

@Xmoses1

Answer 26

Wow that is very pretty! You did an impressive job :)
Hi Angie :D

Answer 27

Thanks y'all :)

Answer 28

yes more than happy to tag anyone youd like to

Answer 29

@crazy_gurl99

Answer 30

you can tag more if u want

Answer 31

@breanneh
@beccaboo333
@bibby
@Blondie_Love
@blues

Answer 32

Thanks for the medal @breanneh

Answer 33

Good job! you should definitely right more!

Answer 34

Thanks I do a lot of writing but never think a lot of it is good enough but thanks to everyone on OS my mind is being changed very quickly

Answer 35

@michelle_DrNiah

Answer 36

@megan_conley111

Answer 37

i like it it would be cool to hear a melody too it :) great job

Answer 38

thanks :) any ideas for a melody? i have no clue

Answer 39

@Squirrels
@lexie_sexyy

Answer 40

@DullJackel09 what did you mean when you said "stay humble in your singing "

Answer 41

Excellent work c: keep it up

Answer 42

thanks im tryin to get a lot of ppl to see this. to see wat everyone else besides my family thinks cuz my family will say something that i do that stinks is good

Answer 43

I mean don't be prideful

Answer 44

oh okay that makes sence

Answer 45

thx

Answer 46

@ilovalsfood I dont have sheet music yet. all i have are lyrics. i need help with the whole melody and stuffz

Answer 47

Love it c: can't wait to hear the music with it too

Answer 48

the music part is going to be hard on me if u have any suggestions or would like to help me message me and let me know im going deaf that is my only reason for not having music with this yet

Answer 49

It's good, great job!

Answer 50

thanks

Answer 51

wow ppl are still commenting. you know its gotta be a good song :D great job!!!

Answer 52

@Hollywood_Undead ya i just need help with the music portion now

Answer 53

ya i wont be able to hear the music well enough to do it on my own i just need someone who knows a good melody or 2 to help with adjusting it

Answer 54

anyone who is willing to lend an ear is more than happy to help me

Answer 55

I like it a lot but you should be willing to rhyme a bit more. It's very nice, though. I like it a lot, work on your spelling!

Answer 56

lol I will work on my spelling am willing to do anything to improve it thanks for your advice @Sofitina

Answer 57

Love it!!! I told you, you could do it!!! Do u have any friends that can play instruments or sing?

Answer 58

sounds amazing I love it wish i was that talented lol

Answer 59

Ayye chica!!! This is pretty good!!!! :O ;D My song I posted here "Not Going Anywhere" was my 1st REAL one as well. I love your writing style^.^