HELP NEEDED!
Can you make the beginning of my paper sound better? It's about the media and how they edit people in magazines to look thinner, give them better hair ect. and how it leads to mental illnesses!

I want it to flow and make people go "aye, I wanna read this!" this is the basic I got down..

"What some people don’t know is that the beautiful, flawless skinned women and the muscular six packed men that they see everyday are all put through a special series of editing. "

Medal will be given to person who helps me and will also acquire a loyal fan [:

Question

HELP NEEDED!
Can you make the beginning of my paper sound better? It's about the media and how they edit people in magazines to look thinner, give them better hair ect. and how it leads to mental illnesses! 

I want it to flow and make people go "aye, I wanna read this!" this is the basic I got down..

"What some people don’t know is that the beautiful, flawless skinned women and the muscular six packed men that they see everyday are all put through a special series of editing. "

Medal will be given to person who helps me and will also acquire a loyal fan [:

anonymous · Answer

I put my changes in brackets. :)

What some people don’t know is that the beautiful, flawless[-]skinned women and the muscular[,] six[-]packed men that they see everyday[in what? maybe "everyday in magazines, newspapers, etc.] are all put through a special series of editing. [This ending sounds odd. Maybe "a specific editing routine before being seen by the public."]

anonymous · Answer

Ok, well.... Do you want to change the beginning paragraph completley, or do you just want to spice it up a litle?

anonymous · Answer

Thank you @AltCode i'll take some of these into consideration [: thankyou so much!

anonymous · Answer

@HMT either or really, I just need it to sound good.. If making it sound better would be taking it out completely i'm willing to

anonymous · Answer

Ok, I'll take a look at it and see if we can make it catch someone's eye. I'll post what I come up with. Message me if you have any idea you want to add in there... Sound good?

anonymous · Answer

Ok here's what I came up with....
All those "picture perfect" men and woman you see on magazine covers make you think, "Wow, I would love to look like them!" right? Well, truth is that's not really what they look like. Yes they may actually be really pretty or handsome but we have to face reality. Those people on the magazine covers aren't all that "picture perfect." They have people that get paid lots of money to edit the pictures to make them look so perfect. 
How's that?

anonymous · Answer

@HMT this sounds so great!! uhg, you're a LIFE saver [: thankyou thankyou a million times <333

anonymous · Answer

You're welcome! :):)