This is not really a homework related question, I just want some review on what I should improve on my fanfiction/fiction writing.

This is the link to what I have written:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10772668/1/Beautifully-Chaotic

Can anybody tell me what needs improvement?

Question

This is not really a homework related question, I just want some review on what I should improve on my fanfiction/fiction writing. 

This is the link to what I have written:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10772668/1/Beautifully-Chaotic

Can anybody tell me what needs improvement?

anonymous · Answer

For one, you might want to remove the swearing. ;)

anonymous · Answer

You should close this and message it to your friends, just saying...

anonymous · Answer

Or put it in chat! Thanks(: