Can someone check my story???

Question

alesia/bailey · Answer

attachment

alesia/bailey · Answer

@timothywhitaker can you read this??? xD

timothywhitaker · Answer

yes man i will i saved it to my computer

alesia/bailey · Answer

lol thanks.

anonymous · Answer

Cool, its pretty good so far. I have only read the beginning but it drew me in right away. its good, though you should probably fix the part where they speak. But otherwise great job. @LunyMoony check this out when your on.

alesia/bailey · Answer

lol thanks. okay, and which part??

anonymous · Answer

well, the speaking part in general. It does a bit confusing when the speaking is mixed up with the thoughts and actions. Try separating them.

alesia/bailey · Answer

okay, ill mess around with it.

anonymous · Answer

cool :D and check out the grammar. But you're a great writer. Nice job

alesia/bailey · Answer

I messed around with it.

lunymoony · Answer

Asuna is great, she read my short book and edited very nicely. I only had to read a few words and I loved it right away!, a fist impression is rare but is what every book should have. Good job on having it! and Congradulations! You are proven to be a talented writer!

alesia/bailey · Answer

:D thank you, it made my day. x3

alesia/bailey · Answer

@appleduardo

appleduardo · Answer

thanks for sharing! ive just downloaded :3

alesia/bailey · Answer

^^
np, I like feedback xD

appleduardo · Answer

yas! :3

alesia/bailey · Answer

?? xD what???

appleduardo · Answer

i meant: ill give u feedback once im finish reading it

appleduardo · Answer

xD

alesia/bailey · Answer

pshh, I knew that >.> <.<

alesia/bailey · Answer

asnquinemoef??
what the heck @appleduardo ?
I dun understand Dx

appleduardo · Answer

just random typing.. :P haha

anonymous · Answer

nicely done (: small grammatical errors and also make smoother transition when Kiarra went to the woods for several weeks until she saw  Brucie (when im imagining it, its kinda blurry) 
but the idea is really good, i like it...

btw, what's the title of your story?

alesia/bailey · Answer

I don't have a title yet, i'm still thinking about it.

k_lynn · Answer

THis is a really good story, I like it.

alesia/bailey · Answer

Thank you <3 :)

anonymous · Answer

it need improvement btw.

anonymous · Answer

pretty cool Iike it so far im only at the beginning tho :)

alesia/bailey · Answer

lol thanks, I sadly never added anything, almost forgot about my story, I don't know if ill finish it.

anonymous · Answer

dang i wanted to see what happened to her