Question

Can you rate my essay?

Answer 1

It is an argumentative essay, and I need to know if I did it right, and if I did it good...

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IrK4jLUZ56YJS54XOTnAez06QC3qGdsRhbVN91ceQZw/edit?usp=sharing

Answer 2

This essay is very well done, though of course there are a few corrections to be made. The first thing that could be revised was the sentence in the first paragraph where you discussed the symptoms the players were experiencing. This sentence ran on quite a bit and became more of a list after the third or fourth listed symptom. I suggest that rather than list them all at once, try to either break up the sentence or summarize the symptoms into three or four words. I also think you should edit the beginning of the second body paragraph. The beginning of a paragraph in an argumentative essay should casually introduce another one of your reason behind your stance on an issue, and beginning it with "Another question" makes it seem as though that paragraph is carrying on from the first and not presenting its own argument. Questions are also not liked in argumentative essays, instead of using question, try to present examples of scenarios, these examples catch the readers eye and creates interest in the topic. Using questions simplifies the whole point of the essay, which is to provide a structured written form of an answer to a question or a point of view on a subject.
If you have any further questions about your essay, just let me know.