hi, i know this is the wrong section, but no one is answering me in english. can you guys tell me your opinions on my poem?

Question

anonymous · Answer

7 more breaths

And Pain strikes through my body

Like when lighting strikes a tree

Breathe in, breathe out

The world fading fast

Like knife on death

Staggering breathe, then cough

Feeling lost in my neck

Like when they fall asleep.

Last breath.

Heart slows to a stop

Nothing is darkness

Nothing is loneliness

No more pain

Everything is so cold

Gone...