Question

i'm going to post a poem I want feedback

Answer 1

ok

Answer 2

what is it

Answer 3

letter to grandma
Dear grandma,
i just wanted to let you know i love you
and even though i didn't know you
i knew you
and ill never forget the time i saw your face
i wanted to ask you how do you do
i wanted to ask you if you remembered my face
because i couldnt remember yours
but i was only seven years old
and i will never forget your still body
i wanted to ask if you were okay
but i couldn't understand why my words bounced off your still body echoing
i wanted to tell you i love you
but i couldn't stand to hear the sound of my own voice i just wanted to hear your voice echoing in my head i love you to che' che'
but i was only seven
and i didn't understand why you couldn't move
why we had to hug you and i was to afraid to feel your cold body because i knew i wouldn't let go until i felt you warm again
i didn't understand why daddy brought you flowers
that stroke consumed you from your toes to your nose
but i didn't understand i was only seven
i couldn't figure out how to love you if you couldn't love me back
i'm sorry
because when you left that hit hard
your death sent tsunamis into my hearts coastlines
i watched your sons deepest oceans escape from his eyes i watched our world crumble in to our hands
grandma!
even though i never got to know you
i knew you
and ill send letters of prayers to you everyday if you just asked me too
and i will tell you i love you in every way everyday to everyone in every language je t'aime. te amo. wu ai ni. le lieb dich. ninakupenda.
i will shout i love you to the heavens until your well enough to hear me
so tell me when you get this letter
because the post office down hear is closed on sunday
and i don't know if you can get mail in heaven

Answer 4

its really good

Answer 5

thank you

Answer 6

tag others

Answer 7

your welcome, now I need to see if anybody answered on my question

Answer 8

well nobody did

Answer 9

@MakaylaTracy my bad this one

Answer 10

this is amazing i love it @southmini

Answer 11

@ganeshie8 @tomorrow @Teddyiswatshecallsme @jswagger @jesus2012 @iambatman @harrison8er @HaileyD @ashhhrodriguez @AngelaReneeColeman @alesia/bailey if your tagged I know this is random lol but I just need some feedback on this poem

Answer 12

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 13

the best poem ever

Answer 14

I love it , its bitter sweet moment keep up the great work.

Answer 15

thank you guys imam post more say I if you wanna be tagged

Answer 16

you can tag me anytime

Answer 17

u can tag me when ever on what ever

Answer 18

well look at this next one
@AngelaReneeColeman @MakaylaTracy

Answer 19

kk

Answer 20

you can tag me anytime

Answer 21

kk

Answer 22

Someone told me that when ever they look at my pictures they see a pretty and elegant

sweet and kind girl like a sweet smell in a breeze just a drift waiting for someone to grab onto me

and someone told me that the wall of china is the oldest piece of architecture still standing

and ever since i was old enough to remember i built walls around myself

and by time i was 13 i had built the wall of china around my heart

around everything i am because i became the wall of china

the oldest piece of architecture still standing

so i told him that i am no dandelion sented whore that you can pluck petals from "she loves me she loves me not" she will not love you

i am a rock solid female

from every battle carved into my stone structured skin

every scar

every bone breaking insult piercing it's way into in this sculpted warrior

i have not fallen

i am the wall of china still standing her ground after the storms have sent their most violent rains to erode away the zanshi in me i will not fall

i am to strong to be broken and you will never be strong enough to break me

send your biggest armies to destroy the piece of art i have made from your forfeit

you can not destroy me

you can send Zeus bolt through my veteran encrusted spine i am un moveable

send tornadoes six or seven i will not tremble ...

in your presence

send earthquakes through my feet trembling up my torso i will not fall to my knees and plead

for you

send bombs of radiation through Chinas deepest valleys

to creep into the depths of my shadows i will leave my plutonium-239 foot print in your beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

It is just in. That there is in fact life! In this wall there is a heart in this girl who would love to to be gentle and kind in a world where war will not rest at your door step that will break through your doors and take you out with a blink

so now

when you look at my pictures don't tell me you see a flower or a gentle kind anything!

tell me that you can see

the Zanshi* in me drifting in the wind along

The wall of china still standing

her ground

*Chinese word for warrior

Answer 23

nice job with your poetry you should keep your work and publish it in a book

Answer 24

You are really good.

Answer 25

You should try to get your work published if you are serious about it.

Answer 26

btw love the poem

Answer 27

im a spoken word artist so i'm making a portfolio and thank you

Answer 28

heres one last one for this post

Answer 29

ok

Answer 30

lie your so casual, how you dance around in my mind finally tripping out my mouth like broken melody's

like shattered vowels cutting through my teeth

where is your manners?

you invite yourself into conversations you werent welcomed too

do you ever think about what youve done ?

youve become a variable in a equation that you do not fit in

youve made me keep a mental note of you

youve made me rememeber you

do you know what youve done to me?

i thought you could save me

i thought you could hide me

but everybody knows whats done in the dark comes to light

but i believed you over them

do you know what youve done to them?

yesterday i heard my baby cry because she found out about you

and i always told her not to give into you

but i gave you to her

my mouth became your auction

and you auctioned my words off to the highest bidder over and over

do my words have any value to you?did i tell you i could feel the pain in her cry i felt her cutting resntment into her arms

do you know how many hearts youve broken today?

do you care how many families youve torn apart today ?

lie i made a promise i'd never tell you again and again and again

this would be my last lie

Answer 31

these are amazing u need to publish a few of these @southmini

Answer 32

@willisjr123 @william.1233 @OpiGeode @Hannahbanana110 @Quan99 @jojo4eva @YOUNGSUPERMAN @flasht if your tagged i'm just looking for feedback on the three poems you see posted here

Answer 33

and im workin on it

Answer 34

may i tag a few people?

Answer 35

tag as many as you want

Answer 36

and that goes for everyone

Answer 37

I really like it

Answer 38

now tell me why you like my poetry?

Answer 39

me?

Answer 40

@Destinycholie @Destinymasha @butterflydreamer @One098 @Crissy15 @kristyn-whitaker @rebecca99 @ScarlettGrace<3 a friend needs some feed back on three writings

Answer 41

anyone

Answer 42

I'm talking about the first one, the one that your still working on, well not done yet

Answer 43

ok

Answer 44

you're too good for me.

Answer 45

Try a happy one

Answer 46

i like your writings because u express to the reader what u are feeling and what the person u are talking about knows who u are talking about it is a nice way of telling them what u are trying to tell or it u are at all @southmini

Answer 47

lol ok a happy one hmmm leme get back to you on that one lol most of my poems are poems that I used to either tell a story so strong that you can almost feel like you was there ex.letter to grandma or say something other people feel but don't know how to say it ex.wall of china

Answer 48

haha

Answer 49

I have to go now, bye

Answer 50

im going to type up my writing i wrote last night okay and i want u to tell me what u think about it okay be honest @southmini

Answer 51

ok

Answer 52

Lol sorry i just replied! but i love it! I love how descriptive it is, it has a lot of emotion ((:

Answer 53

thankk you @harrison8er

Answer 54

love it