Question

Hero
Hero? who is your hero? my hero, you say.
Well my hero is nonetheless my creator. Who else would it be? I am a strong independent young woman, as so I have been told ;) I have many qualities. For example, I'm there to give you ideas lend a shoulder to cry on, hope you don't blow your nose with my long hair jajaja , I am a friend that won't leave you just because a dumb silly rumor was spread, or just because hanging out with you makes me uncool. Actually I have been respected by teachers, adults, strangers, and my enemies. I was once told I was useless, well look at me now.

Answer 1

My guidance counselor once told me if they just talk, prove them wrong. If they just talk that means their lower than you and want to take you down as well. From that day on I walked like a queen, earphones in my ear laughing with my friends. I smiled when I passed by them which at that time would have been half the school. Yeah crazy huh? Well what I'm trying to say is, you are what you think and say you are. If you say you are good at writing and I say you are a wonderful person, nobody else can deny it. why? Cuz I rule my own world, I was born to be respected and in turn I respect you

Answer 2

my writing for a paragraph of something I have learned about myself and how that has affected my self-esteem

Answer 3

@arma133 buddy! @Librarian boyyy @Destinycholie @MakaylaTracy @YouSir @wingspansson.Silvera01 @roz_mar23 @NathanHill1089 @pengembara_bumi1 @ajenkya @demonchild99 @fallenangelorchid @vanessaperezxo @BugzytheGreat @Escobar17 leave comments did I miss something? Is the writing good, like punctuation,right words, fallacies,etc.

Answer 4

you are off to a great start @Crissy15 keep it up love ya girly !!!!!!!!

Answer 5

hey so its a great start but do u want me to send back a version with critics/corrections @Crissy15

Answer 6

yes please I need critic, then I can turn it in. Thanks makayla

Answer 7

lol just give me a sec and i will have it for u

Answer 8

also r they 2 different paragraphs or just one

Answer 9

no problem

Answer 10

1 whole @ispike

Answer 11

should they b 2? does it seem kinda idk diva lol

Answer 12

Now here are my critics:

Personally I wouldn’t start with a question. Questions aren’t really good hooks.
I don’t understand the connection between your creator and you being a young independent women
Also there are meny different beliefs as to what creator means so as the reader im confused as to what that means to u.
I wouldn’t use “for example”
Also youre listing a lot. That’s another thing I would try to fix
You kinda jump. You don’t make much of connection as to why being a good friend makes teachers respect u. Like u just jump. Youre like oh Im a good friend and then people respect me. You need better transition
After you say look at me elaborate, because I don’t know who u r. Its great voice but then u leave me in the dark.
The first sentence in the second paragraph doesn’t make sense. You kind of lose me at (if the just talk, prove them wrong) like why r people talking what r they talking about?
Also whatever the guidance teacher is sayin u need to put in quotes.
Passed by who? Still confused on who
“And you say you are” that im confused on

Okay so u have some amazing voice like some of the best ive heard. Youre funny and u got attitude and I love it. So theres just some things u need work on like everyone else. All things I wrote down I noticed because I use to write like that. So trust me im not being mean im trying to make u the writer I know u could b!!! awesome job

Answer 13

Hero? Who is your hero? My hero, you say. Well, my hero is nonetheless my creator. Who else would it be? I am a strong independent young woman, as so I have been told. I have many qualities. For example, I'm there to give you ideas, lend a shoulder to cry on, hoping that you wont blow your nose with my hair. I am a friend that won't leave you just because a silly rumor was spread, or just because hanging out with you makes me uncool. Actually, I have been respected by many teachers, adults, strangers, and even on occasions my enemies. I was once told I was useless, well look at me now.

My guidance counselor once told me, “if they just talk, prove them wrong. If they just talk that means their lower than you and want to take you down as well. “From that day on I walked like a queen, earphones in my ear laughing with my friends. I smiled when I passed by them which at that time would have been half the school. Yeah, crazy huh? Well, what I'm trying to say is, you are what you think and say you are. If you say you are good at writing and I say you are a wonderful person, nobody else can deny it. I rule my own world, I was born to be respected and in turn I respect you.

Answer 14

i hope this helps

Answer 15

and i hope ur not offended because personally when i ask someone to edit my papers and if they dont tear to shreds well then i need a new editor lol

Answer 16

lol naw I'm good I needed critic and showing me what you meant was also great because usually ppl just judge, haters jaja thats not giving critic but u gave good critic even if it's hard but it helps

Answer 17

okay im glad if u have any questions about it or want some more help just let me know

Answer 18

Its really good! Keep up the great work!