Question

Would anyone mind giving me some feedback on my book? It's definitely not finished yet, but this is what it is so far.

Posted in comments.

Answer 1

The Escape Game

I felt a constant throbbing in my head. My eyes opened and I sat up and tried to rub the sleep out of my green eyes. But instead, I ended up running my hands through my hair, rousing it even more. A brown lock of it fell over my eye. With an annoyed sigh, I pushed it out of the way. Without thinking, my hands threw the covers off of me and I stood up from the dull colored cot I was sleeping on. There were two light bulbs in the entire room.
“About 17ft. by 10ft.,” I thought out loud. I snapped my head around, suddenly alert. My brain searched for a possible reason how I knew the measurements of the room, but found none. I knew I was right, but how? A small desk with a lamp happened to be by the cot. Rummaging through the organized drawer, I found what I was looking for. A ruler.
Even though I knew my estimates were right, I measured anyways. Yep, 17 by 10. Marching over to the desk to put the ruler away, I stubbed my toe on the corner of a stove. I grimaced and a wave of pain shot through my foot. Just beside a gas stove, were a refrigerator, a counter, and some cupboards willed with plates, bowls and cups. A little card table was set up near the kitchen and tucked under it was two chairs. Adjacent to the kitchen was two doors.
I suddenly became aware that everything in the room, including the walls, was either a gray or dullish tan. But something about those, 3ft. Long and 6ft. tall kept nagging at me.
So instead of putting the ruler away, I set it on the countertop and walked slowly toward the doors with my head wingspaned to the side and eyebrows furrowed. I closed my eyes for a moment in concentration and tried to think about what was behind the doors.
I opened my eyes. I was face to face with my reflection in the door closest to the right. Without thinking, my right arm extended, reaching for the gleaming brass knob. I glanced up. I was wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans. My hair was a little on the longer side, but not even close to shoulder length. It was also kind of shaggy and fine. Kind of a weird mixture, I thought. I thought it made me look a little like a girl. My thoughts were interrupted because the cold metal was now under my fingertips. I could feel the accelerated thumping inside my chest. My hand wrapped itself over the knob and tried to turn it. But it wouldn’t budge.
Locked.
“Locked.” If anyone else had been in the room, they wouldn’t have heard that barely audible whisper.
“Locked,” I said louder, my voice raising. I tried to turn the knob again. It still wouldn’t move. The metal was becoming warm under my fingertips. My hands started banging themselves against the door.
“Open the door!” I screamed, voice cracking.
“It’s locked.” I scream and pound my hands against my hands against the door until my knuckles are red and bleeding, and my throat feels like sandpaper. No one will come to help me. With a sudden surge of hope, I slammed my weight into the door. It doesn’t even budge. I shift my weight to my left leg and grasp the knob to the second door, which is to the left of the one I just tried to open. Somehow, I feel sure that it will open. My instincts are correct because a simple bathroom now stands before me.
Nothing but a bathroom.
My legs feel 10 times heavier as I stalk like a zombie to the kitchen table. I plopped won on the chair nearest to the stove, glad to sit on something, even though I just woke up from sleep. I scoot the chair back a little and rest my elbows on my thighs and lean forward. Just as I put my chin into my hands, something under the table catches my eye. If I look down a little farther, I can see what it is. Taped under the table is an envelope, marked with the name Chris.
Chris.
In an instant, I recognize my name. I absentmindedly wipe my hands on my jeans, and reach under the tablet o grab the envelope. After taking it off the bottom of the table and throw the tape away, I run my fingers over it. It feels rough and grainy. And instead of white, like your normal envelope, it’s a tannish, off white. Sort of like an extremely light brown. Its color reminds me of the table. I turn it over to open it up, but a seal catches my eye. It’s still a little damp, and red, paint like liquid comes onto my finger. It reminds me of blood. But I fell like there should be some initials or something on the seal. I have no idea what it could signify. But I know that the letter means that someone had to have been here. Someone was in the room before I was. I’m in here for a reason, and I must have to find my way out. This thought unsettles me. What if I can’t find my way out? Will someone come to get me? No. I’m sure of that now. No one left me any information about the door. This might be the only piece of the outside world I might get. So, bracing the uncertainty before me, I open the letter.

Answer 2

@Destinycholie

Answer 3

@Crissy15 @sammixboo and @sleepyjess

Answer 4

just finished when does the book come out? I mean I really liked it! those r the kinds of books i like

Answer 5

I guess it comes out whenever I finish. I'm not even really close to being done. But knowing that you like it motivates me to write more. I will definitely tell you when I'm done with it. I like books like those too. THat's why I like reading Hunger Games, Divergent, The Maze Runner, and stuff like that.

Answer 6

yay! I like those books too.

Answer 7

I still have to read The Maze Runner though. It always seems to be checked out at my library.

Answer 8

same here, or it has to travel all thru the county library from library till i can get it.

Answer 9

@Marco,Phillip

Answer 10

@Ashy98

Answer 11

@bohotness

Answer 12

@EclipsedStar @RAINIAR

Answer 13

Wow...it's so nerve-wreaking, intense, and awesome! :o

Answer 14

I could tell that the main character is very calculative and smart just from the first paragraph :)

Answer 15

Thanks :D. I had a dream about it one night, and that's how I came up with the idea.

And that's one of Chris's quirks. He has a knack for measurements. Sort of like how some people are double jointed (like me :)).

Answer 16

Also, very observant :)

Answer 17

Ooh. :)

Answer 18

He'll need his skills to get out of the room....if he ever does O.o dunn dunn dunnnnn!

Answer 19

X) I like it! :o

Answer 20

thanks. Knowing that people like it makes me want to write more.

Answer 21

Yesss please write more! I'd love to read the whole book! :D

Answer 22

tag me tomorrow cause I'll have time to read and comprehend it, watching the bachelor in 10 mins :D

Answer 23

Okie doke.

Answer 24

Sweet

Answer 25

Thanks @MadisonIrvin

Answer 26

@RAINIAR

Answer 27

i love that book
how you should make more thats awesome

Answer 28

Thanks @travisawesome

Answer 29

hey I'm in the recording studio now lol I forgot I was coming

Answer 30

lol that's fine @RAINIAR whenever you get the chance, I'd love to hear your feedback on it.

Answer 31

cool, I'll try to read your story after dinner :D

Answer 32

lol, ok. Whenever you get the chance.

Answer 33

wow that was awesome i liked it :D

Answer 34

:D thanks @koolkat13

Answer 35

np haha are you going to write more? i want to finish it

Answer 36

Ya, I'll eventually write more. It's going to be a book, so I have a lot more to write. I'm just really busy. But whenever I get the chance, I write more.

Answer 37

awesome well when you get done put it on here so i can see it will ya?...oh n cool bio love nacho libre and big hero 6 too

Answer 38

Sure, I'll let you know. That's cool. I don't meet many people who like the same movies as I do.

Answer 39

:D well you met me

Answer 40

Lol, ya I did xD

Answer 41

xD

Answer 42

This is extremely amazing. :)

Answer 43

Thank You :D

Answer 44

It sounds pretty awesome so far! The only thing is that you seem to be writing in different tenses throughout the paragraphs. The last two paragraphs are written in a sort of present tense and all the previous paragraphs are past tense. Dunno if you did that on purpose or not, but it makes it kind of weird to read.

Other than that its great, it keeps your suspense.

Answer 45

amazing

Answer 46

AWAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (awesome/amazing) THATS how good it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 47

Thanks guys. And thanks for pointing that out @KiaKat I'll have to fix that sometime.

Answer 48

love it

Answer 49

Thanks @maythehorsebewithyou