This is a poem I wrote, I was bored and I was watching Vampire Diaries and got inspired. This is a poem of a girl talking to her brother begging him to not shut her out, because he is mad at his parents for dying. They don't know how their parents died, so this kinda goes along with the theme of vampire diaries.

Question

anonymous · Answer

I know you've been hurting for a while now
and i don't want to see you fall down
I know you've got your secrets 
full of mischief

I hear you scream their name 
but their not to blame
I know that you still cry
late at night


you can tell me anything 
you can tell me everything
even if it breaks my heart
just don't tear us apart

i know you miss them too
if we only knew
just don't play that game
where you act insane

I know you'll see them again
cause this is not the end
you've got to move on
what's done is done

you can tell me anything
you can tell me everything
even if it breaks my heart
just don't tear us apart

anonymous · Answer

the flow is kind of everywhere. Like as soon as i thought i had found the rhythm it changed and it left me extremely confused. I like the wording and u have a good voice but for the way youre writing in this i think it would be better as a monologue or something of that sort. i was waiting for some more figurative language i just felt like it was very direct. You're a great writter and i did like it a lot i just wasnt feeling it as a poem. i felt like as a monolgue you could add in so much more emotion and imagery

anonymous · Answer

But always remember poetry is about the writter so if u think its perfect than its perfect these are merely suggestions

anonymous · Answer

@NormaValenzuela

anonymous · Answer

thanks i will try, actually it's more of a song than a poem...but i was trying to see if i could pass as a poem, guess not...thanks though...i really appreciate it.