Question

Can you guys Read My horror book im writing

http://www.wattpad.com/story/23721511-100-days-in-hell

Answer 1

nice

Answer 2

Thanks :)

Answer 3

Okay so the first part is a little confusing. In all honesty it sounds really good for a screen play, but for a story it’s a little too direct. Also it’s the first paragraph and I feel like you’re already jumping around a lot. There’s a female voice and then four angels have moved to hell…I’m lost.
So your audience is always clueless we can’t see what you can until you tell us. So when there’s dialogue I feel like you should tell the character before they speak, because otherwise it’s just some random voice until seconds later, but while I’m reading that dialogue there’s no mental picture. Create that for me before I read the dialogue not after.
I feel like I’ve just been rushed into this story. I prefer to read things with a monologue of some sort because it’s a really good start and it’s a great transition.
Your conversation is interrupted to often
I am kinda confused on what’s going on
I like how you described the mute girl I really hope you get more into that!
I don’t know who is saying the poem though I do like it a lot.
There are grammar errors you may want to look into.
I see a lot of potential but what it’s missing is the fluff. Have fun with it. I notice in a lot of peoples writings they get super excited and don’t take their time. So just relax and mold yourself into the story.
Overall i see so much potential! Youer a great writer so keep it up

Answer 4

Really liked it, there is huge path of where the types of different characters go in different directions. It is just like the types of different voices, it relates to music

Answer 5

@ispike I will try to fix that (: and Thank you for the advice and thank you @learningtime1234