Question

How is my poem? first comment

Answer 1

Like the pied piper
the mullah drives his battered truck
through dusty villages, his loudspeaker
singing: Join the battle against the infidels.
Fight for Jihad and live eternally with Allah.
Lift up your guns for Him and you shall never die.

Barefoot boys ragged, hungry
from years of hard soil, follow him
dancing into the straps of loaded guns,
pirouetting into caves and broken buildings

And the boys end up in a land not their own
but are told God is everywhere.
Many die. Others disappear
into dark prison bowels
where each day if you are 12, twelve filthy men
one after another . . .
if you are 14, then fourteen is your lot.

A father sells tea from a cart,
one cup at a time, washes the tiles
of a mosque with a yellow bar of soap
to earn the ransom the soldiers exact.

Every night in his dreams his son stands, calling:
Father, I never seen such days as this.

Answer 2

@AkashdeepDeb

Answer 3

A lot of it is very dark and negative. I like the last 2 stanzas.

Answer 4

is it good?

Answer 5

This is very good. I love the story you tell - it's very dark, but it sends a message that people need to hear nowadays.

Answer 6

@JackofallTradez

Answer 7

Thanks :)

Answer 8

It's good! :)

Answer 9

Good!

Answer 10

You portray a dark message that is completely relevant and needs to be heard, as @leahhhmorgannn mentioned. The dark atmosphere and emotion carried throughout this passage is what makes it unique. I approve of this poem ^_^

Answer 11

This poem is really good I am jealous I don't write poetry like that... I LOVE it

Answer 12

:D Thanks Guys! (And Gals)