Question

I wrote this poem a little bit ago but yeah, I’m REALLY nervous about posting it on here.. (:
Medal & Fan if you do, & I’ll medal & fan for good feedback . (:
Hope you like ittt ? <3

Answer 1

Pour it up, Pour it up
That’s what all my “homies” say but it never gave me any luck.
Always wakin’ up on someone else’s property, while my family’s livin’ life like winnin’ the lottery.
I hate this life, it has taken over me.
I’m searching for help, please, anyone, can’t you see?
It’s not just Maryjane, it’s not just Coke.
These drugs that are so called “fun” make me want to choke.
Once you touch them, you have let the beast AWAKE.
So be careful, for goodness sake.

Answer 2

I think that was an interesting poem. You did very well, although I think that there were a few grammar errors in the poem. And now, my inner grammar freak, Jinxy, shall point them out. (Don't worry, Jinxy's harmless- in fact, she's very tiny and cute.)

-I think that you should change the "Pour it up, Pour it up" either to "Pour it up, pour it up" or else put it in quotes.
-Capitalize "winnin'".
-I think there should be a space between "Mary" and "Jane"...
-Put a dash between "so called". (So-called.)
-The second-to-last sentence is a little confusing in structure...I have a feeling that you want to keep the word "AWAKE" at the end of it, though, so I suggest you find a way to revise the sentence to make it clearer and yet keep "AWAKE" at the end of it.
-"for goodness's sake", not "for goodness sake". (I could be wrong on this one, though. My apologies if I am.)

Hope that helps! (^_^)

Answer 3

Thanks a lot ! (:

Answer 4

Good job! Make sure to use correct grammar and find synonyms. I agree with Seira-kun.

Answer 5

You're welcome! (^_^) @christalljones
I'm flattered that you agree with me. (^_^) Thank you! @heretohelpalways

Answer 6

This is good. How long did it take to write it?