I am broken
But nobody picks up the pieces
I'm falling
But nobody catches me
I'm in the dark
But nobody brings me a light
I'm alone
But nobody is there to change that
I need to be saved
But nobody is there to save me
Will you be the one to change that?
Will you save me from myself?
Bring me a light in the dark?
Catch me when I'm falling?
Pick up the pieces of me that everybody has left behind?
Prove to me that I'm not alone?
Will you save me?!?

Question

I am broken
But nobody picks up the pieces 
I'm falling 
But nobody catches me
I'm in the dark 
But nobody brings me a light
I'm alone
But nobody is there to change that
I need to be saved
But nobody is there to save me
Will you be the one to change that?
Will you save me from myself?
Bring me a light in the dark?
Catch me when I'm falling?
Pick up the pieces of me that everybody has left behind?
Prove to me that I'm not alone?
Will you save me?!?

elonasushchik · Answer

Comments please:

leahhhmorgannn · Answer

I really like this. Good job.

babynini · Answer

@ElonaSushchik, are you writing from life experiences? :)

babynini · Answer

Fabulous! Just a few minor details and awkward spots. This line doesn't flow with the rhythm or feel of the rest of the poem as it could.

"..I'm alone
But nobody is there to change that" <--- this is the awkward line. Try rephrasing to maybe something like

"But nobody will stay with me" or "But nobody will come to comfort me"

Because those would be solutions to being alone, as you gave solutions to all the other issues this person is facing. Does that make sense?

babynini · Answer

lalala the rest is good. One more minor change. The person in this poem is portraying a few different emotions. Desperate, lonely, hopeful. 
Your last line

"Will you save me?!?"

Sounds like this person has given up all hope and is putting it all out there to anyonee who will save them. Correct? It's good, but could be more impactful. Depending on how you want the mood of your poem to be. Do you want it desperate or intense? Because this person has been hurt soo badly they also sound a bit hardened from all of that.

"Will you save me?" --- simple and sweet, no extra exclimations or questions. They just want help, imagine their intense empty stare. 

"Will you save me?!" --- not exacly the feel you're going for, I think. This is too desperate.

"Will you save me?!?" --- desperate, hopeless, yet hopeful.

Just a few ideas :) It's all about mood

babynini · Answer

^ It's usually better to use less punctuation (. ! ? etc)
 It makes it more professional and straightforward.

anonymous · Answer

That is beautiful.