Question

I wrote this post apocalyptic story. It is a voicemail that a husband left for his wife. Tell me what you think

Answer 1

“Anna,
I don’t even know what to say… Everything, i––it just happened so fast. There were stories on the news… Stories of people, just–just barely getting by. It was all just a bunch of stories, of death and sorrow; a–and then it became a reality.
“No one thought it would reach us, especially not as fast as it did… I–i just remember thinking, ‘What the hell is happening? How–how is this happening?’ The “experts” tried, and–and tried. Nothing worked. No matter how much effort anyone put in, it just seemed that– well that nothing could be done. They told us that everything would be ok… that––uh––that all would be better again soon…
“How stupid were we? To believe in that. To believe that things would be ok. The–the virus, uh– Spondylostasis Prosophagossis or something like that… The–the, uh, CDC set up “sanctions” around the country for the sick… Saying things like, ‘We have a cure,’ and whatnot. It was really just a death sentence quarantine; plenty of people went, even when we all begged them not to…
“Tom, Chris, Maya. They all went. Many followed. But–uh–they, well, they never came back. Everyone else figured out what they were doing to the “infected” and people stopped going. It was a set up to appear as a safe haven to keep the sick away from the healthy while they–uh–died…
“Then about 2 months or so after the initial outbreaks… People–they–they started to lose hope for each other. All anyone cared about anymore was themselves. The police tried to maintain control; but–well, they uh didn’t do such a great job. Eventually the government broke down, due to both the virus and chaos… Rumors spread as always… And–uh… That’s when everything started going bad fast; real fast.
“I kept to myself for most of the time. The looters, uh they teamed up, you know… They made compounds and regulated trade; they–they made it hard for anyone who wasn’t them. Franky and I, we uh, “plotted” our escape. We didn’t have anything left at home… I needed to find you… We made it just past the gate when a patrol caught us… There were three of them, armed… So we both just ran– we-we ran faster than the deer that you always complained about eating your tulips…
“I–uh managed to out run them and find that little fox hole Jamie used to go to whenever she was angry with us; I–uh used it to bunker in. I, uh, was waving Franky over to the hide out and they got him… A bullet hit ‘im in the chest and he fell to the ground… The looters came, to–find me, but after about five minutes they gave up and went back to their patrol. I climbed out and ran to Franky… I just saw him lying there I could see in his eyes the relief to not have to look over his shoulder anymore. The relief of no longer trying to outrun the virus…
“I knew… Uh–I just– I just knew he was gone; but, uh I just couldn’t let go. “I remember saying ‘Look at me Franky, you’re gonna be ok!’ trying to keep him alive. He–he looked up at me and said, ‘This is my end John, this is where I find my peace. Go find your’s, find your little girl, find Anna.’ And, uh, jus–just like that. He was–he–he was gone. 35 years we were best friends and all it took was 30 seconds for that to end. Doesn’t seem fair.
“An-anyways. I’m now in Greenwich, trying to make my way out of the U.S., make my way to–to, uh you… I don’t know if you’re getting these, I don’t even know if you’re alive. But no matter what happened to you, I’m gonna find you guys. Or, uh, I’m gonna die trying. I love you so much. See you soon.”

Answer 2

@k_lynn @kaylamarie081 @katieJ. @Legends @itsmelol @alyssa_xo @Amber123456 @chrissyC.

Answer 3

@Cali.Jay💙 @lovesvd10 @dopeeaf @SneliS @sammyjpod @sammixboo @LittleRedRiding @rosy_love @sugarplum15

Answer 4

It's so beautiful, it made me cry!!

Answer 5

@Nerdgirl @Kitten_is_back @lovelygirl75 @laurenbaybiee @itsmelol

Answer 6

Haha thanks! @sugarplum15

Answer 7

So realistic and nice :)

Answer 8

@CruzianBarbeeee @Amber123456 @AmberAlexis @KKLL99 @Lady.Liv1776 @pink18 @HackberryAbby18 @maddie1

Answer 9

As realistic as an apocalyptic situation gets I suppose @Cali.Jay💙

Answer 10

This is outstanding, I just have a few things I might fix. I understand it's post-apocalyptic, but not so much stuttering. Put lots of it, just don't over-do it. Like in the second paragraph, instead of putting the '--', try putting it like this: "....that, well..... that nothing could be done." Also, in the very end, don't say it like "Or, uh, I'm gonna die trying." Try saying it more like this, so it sounds more sincere, loving, and desperate to get to her: "If that's what it takes, then I'll die trying." But overall, AMAZING JOB. :)

Answer 11

Thanks @Nerdgirl !

Answer 12

AW WWWWWWWW

Answer 13

Love it (:

Answer 14

AMAZING!!!!

Answer 15

Thanks guys @Kitten_is_back @CruzianBarbeeee @SneliS

Answer 16

yw XD

Answer 17

This is so good!!

Answer 18

Thanks @katieJ.

Answer 19

wow super impressed!!!

Answer 20

Thanks mate @josd32

Answer 21

I am a very good writer or so i have been told but I Really hate it so i am verry impressed by it:) good job

Answer 22

Thanks again

Answer 23

awe!