Question

This is my first song that I really feel has potential. Opinions? Song is in the comments box. (I have not recorded it yet I would just like to know opinions on lyrics!)

Answer 1

All alone in the darkness
afraid to open up my eyes.
This feeling inside no I cannot shake,
for I am afraid that I might realize,
that it's a dream.
For I might realize that it's
just a dream.
And when I realize that it's not a dream,
it starts to scare me yeah, it really scares me.
'Cause I'm just a child.
Trapped in this night-marish dream.
Or is it real?
Or is it real?
Or is it real?

Answer 2

it is a short song

Answer 3

so?

Answer 4

I really like it! If you can you should keep going with it. Did you draw or make that picture?

Answer 5

no i did not but i could if i wanted to

Answer 6

so i need to make it longer but other than that advice peps?

Answer 7

peeps*

Answer 8

Oh okay.. Id have more of an opinion if I could hear someone singing it

Answer 9

how would i record it?

Answer 10

You said above that you haven't recorded it yet..?

Answer 11

ya

Answer 12

but i think that i didn't read your entire essay

Answer 13

So when you do you could youtube or something them post the link on here for people to listen and give opinions.

Answer 14

ok cool imma finish reading your essay

Answer 15

What part did you not read? I have three paragraphs

Answer 16

oh i thought it was three pgs

Answer 17

ok

Answer 18

Nope.. Any advise on a conclusion :/

Answer 19

hold on

Answer 20

Holding

Answer 21

for the conclusion restate the main idea

Answer 22

Easier said then done

Answer 23

true

Answer 24

sounds good

Answer 25

Thanks but im stuck

Answer 26

on?

Answer 27

What to write after that

Answer 28

idk

Answer 29

but you have a new fan

Answer 30

Oh thank you

Answer 31

you need a comma after short

Answer 32

other than that i'd say it was beautiful

Answer 33

Okay.. Anything else? And is yourself okay to say when an essay is in 3rd person point of view?

Answer 34

ya i mean i have no problem with it =D

Answer 35

Okay thank you :) .. If you add more to your song Id love to read it

Answer 36

ok cool thx for your imput

Answer 37

@JellyCakes love it :D

Answer 38

thank you!

Answer 39

That's a nice song.

Answer 40

thank you i think it needs a little work tho

Answer 41

Meh, I suppose. I honestly couldn't give you any constructive criticism on it, but I suppose a few tweaks here and there and it'll be perfect. Keep at it! ^_^

Answer 42

thank you for your opinion!!!

Answer 43

You're Welcome! ^_^

Answer 44

Cool!

Answer 45

thank you!!

Answer 46

you might want to put it in the music section, a lot of good song writers are in there who could help you.

Answer 47

thank you for your advise!!! :)

Answer 48

Most of them are rappers though, so watch out. :P

Answer 49

its great I love it

Answer 50

thank you @MAkaylabvb

Answer 51

i thought that it was a great song and u should write more

Answer 52

@jellycakes can you write music and have you written the music for it yet. Because honestly if you havent or dont know how it prob will never be a song but forever in the form of a poem

Answer 53

do you want to work as a song wrighter for my band?

Answer 54

i like it but i think it is about someone lost not in a dream but in life itself

Answer 55

yup ypu are correct

Answer 56

you*

Answer 57

plus i think it is beautiful and "Or is it real,is it real, is it real" should be the chores

Answer 58

@MAkaylabvb yes i would like that. idk if i would be any good but i can try

Answer 59

thank you for your feed back @freeG13

Answer 60

welcome thx you for being an awesome songwriter/maybe singer @JellyCakes

Answer 61

i am only a 6th grader so...

Answer 62

8th grader plus in K-12 online school

Answer 63

can you sing?

Answer 64

I think it is a slow song but in the chores it goes a little faster then back to slow maybe a duet

Answer 65

hello? @JellyCakes

Answer 66

do you play an instrument?

Answer 67

@freeG13 i just went to eat dinner and you blocked me...

Answer 68

i do not play an instrument but if i do next year i will play a wind instrument

Answer 69

i meant i will be a 6th grader next year

Answer 70

@freeG13

Answer 71

hello?

Answer 72

hello

Answer 73

can u unblock me plz?

Answer 74

and what school are you in?

Answer 75

did not block you

Answer 76

plus love your name

Answer 77

i was in k-12 like you but i am going to a traditional middle school next year. i was in this thing called blinded learning and they worked with k-12

Answer 78

oh thank you. i like urs

Answer 79

wait if you didn't block me then wt happened?

Answer 80

i have no idea

Answer 81

it says "This user does not accept messages."

Answer 82

oh i was going to tell u i can sing.

Answer 83

oh sorry wait one minute

Answer 84

oh sorry wait one minute

Answer 85

when i was in 4th grade i got my own solo and this year i got a solo. but i mainly sing in my free time when no one is around.

Answer 86

yea me too and is this better?

Answer 87

is wt better?

Answer 88

oh ya it is better

Answer 89

um never mind

Answer 90

thank you but what happened?

Answer 91

so are you on facebook?

Answer 92

no i am not.

Answer 93

um on my profile i thought i was going to have notified emails and well ya

Answer 94

oh ok that happened to me i understand wt happened

Answer 95

but hey what do you think if the song is turned into a doet

Answer 96

it was annoying i was just minding my own business and it was like "verify your email" *doomy voice*