Question

Can someone proofread my essay? Please. I will metal and fan

Answer 1

I need another 100 words. And help fixing my thesis statement.. It needs to follow this-- It should include your subjective definition of the topic (your focus) as well as include a preview of the two areas you will use for the development of your two body paragraphs.

Answer 2

Need 74 more words

Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big. That young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting and exercising. And to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.

Conventional beauty has caused low body image in women, and low self-esteem. Women compare themselves to other women because they want to be accepted. This has prompted some women to self harm and/or hate themselves. It has created eating disorders in teenage girls and young women, but males can have eating disorders as well. This is from dieting being taken too far, people commenting or change in appearance, smaller waist. Causing women who are dieting to continue, because of the change, they lose sight of what they wanted and focus on what society, in general, wants. Many things can cause eating disorders to begin, stress is one of the top causes. Stress can be from anything, school, employment, thinking about the future. Sports or activities can also increase the risk, such as dancing or gymnastics.

Beauty standards throughout time have changed, but all women are compared to these standards. Beginning in Ancient Egypt the standards were slender, narrow shoulders, high waist and a symmetrical face, from this era to post modern beauty today the standards have been thin, full bodied, curvy, full lips, tall, boyish, small feet, and a whole bunch more. Because of these standards women have gone to great lengths, in Victorian England women wore corsets to achieve the ideal body shape; today women regularly get plastic surgery to achieve their desired look, or wear a wig to change their hair color and put on enormous amounts of makeup. Once the makeups off, who will recognize the beautiful young woman before them? Since women change their appearance most have low self-esteem, they feel down about themselves.

A woman's natural beauty is real and not an illusion. A thin, tall and average sized foot girl or a curvy, short, and fair skinned girl are both beautiful. No matter what women look like, we are all beautiful. Inside and out we all have our own combination of qualities, shape, color, or size that is pleasing especially to sight. Plato quoted "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder," the beholder is yourself.

Answer 3

@Destinyyyy , do you still need help?

Answer 4

Yes!!! @YoungStudier

Answer 5

Well I've only read the first bit that you posted (as a comment, I haven't looked at the download) But I see that you started a sentence with the word 'And', in my my lessons, they said that you should never start a sentence with the word 'And' because it looses your reader's interest. Perhaps you should write "They also believe that they have to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair."

Answer 6

What do you think, @Destinyyyy ?

Answer 7

Wait a moment, I made an error with my suggestion, I'll rephrase that. "They also believe that young women must change their bodies with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair."

Answer 8

@Destinyyyy

Answer 9

@Afrodiddle

Answer 10

Today's society mistakes beauty with creepy, and creepy with beauty.
Why is it so hard to see that looking like a natural beauty is much more wonderful than looking like a creepy old Barbie doll.
Societies standards are not even realistic anymore.

Answer 11

Though exercising is not something we do because we want to stay thin, It is something we must do to stay healthy.
No body wants to date some one who constantly eats junk food and does not move around. People all riot about how unnatural models are and how unrealistic they are.
When it is a good support for someone to want to stay healthy.
Dieting is not necessarily a bad thing, but "starving" yourself is not how you diet.
Dieting is when you make healthier food choices by following the food pyramid.
You have your organic grains and milk, and then also have your protein from home cooked meats.
It's good to eat junk food now and then as a little snack, to reward yourself. but don't go chugging 5 liters of soda in one serving and a bag of potato chips.
Brace yourself.

Answer 12

I just wrote you some topics that can fit your essay.

Answer 13

Hope that helps.

Answer 14

I like it thank you. Anything else? @YoungStudier

Answer 15

I think they will.. Can you help me with the thesis? @Afrodiddle

Answer 16

I'm going to go get lunch at subway real quick, why don't you work on a different assignment while i'm gone?

Answer 17

Alright.. I have 20 more assignments I have to do for this class due tomorrow that ill work on. Thank you

Answer 18

TOMORROW?!?!

Answer 19

I am an Atheist, but you need Jesus.

Answer 20

Yup.. Over 50 assignments for this class that I have to complete in a week. Its down to 20... Lol seriously

Answer 21

o.o I am so sorry for you.
I am about to cry from hearing this.

Answer 22

I thought online classes end at june 30th

Answer 23

Im in college for the summer term. Its an 8 week long class thats usually 4 months

Answer 24

And im taking three other classes with it.. So much fun :(

Answer 25

Why they do dis?!?!?! that's evil.

Answer 26

Yeah! I have no clue. I wish that I was told this before starting the class. But its to late now

Answer 27

>:(

Answer 28

This is why ive been begging for help on here

Answer 29

Too bad you can't mass tag.

Answer 30

I will try to help as much as I can.

Answer 31

@Destinyyyy , did my suggestion help at all?

Answer 32

lol okay thank you.. Yes it did @YoungStudier

Answer 33

Ok, glad I could help, do you want me to see if I can think of anything else?

Answer 34

Yes please!

Answer 35

3rd paragraph, last sentence could use some work, one sec

Answer 36

Okay.. I lost my train of thought on that one :/

Answer 37

Okay how about:

Some women who change their appearance might have low self-esteem. They feel down about themselves and think that they have to change. However, this is not the case for other women who change just because they think it's cool and want to be part of the popular crowd.

Answer 38

@Destinyyyy

Answer 39

I like it and it looks/sounds a lot better. Thank you!

Answer 40

No problem! I'll see what else I can do until @Afrodiddle comes back

Answer 41

I was never gone...... Someone else went to get food. :P

Answer 42

Oh, oops. XD

Answer 43

I stubbed my toe and lost my train of thought.

Answer 44

totally forgot about this.

Answer 45

Ouch :/

Answer 46

I think you should take out exercising because that is actually a requirement in life.

Answer 47

In put in "Dieting in a wrong and unhealthy way"

Answer 48

Are you talking about the intro?

Answer 49

yes.

Answer 50

Okay

Answer 51

That young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting. Dieting in a wrong and unhealthy way. ??

Answer 52

This way we can also make a new paragraph topic about how women seem to think eating less food is dieting, instead of changing their daily intake into something healthier.

Answer 53

I can only have 4 paragraphs js

Answer 54

because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid.

Answer 55

Okay.. Where am I putting that exactly?

Answer 56

Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.

Answer 57

putting it all together in the first paragraph.

Answer 58

Also remember that at a beginning of a new paragraph you need to place an indent.

Answer 59

Okay.. " because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like," of how a woman is suppose to look like? ..or.. of what a woman is suppose to look like?

Answer 60

Lol, remove the "A"

Answer 61

Yes. Once I have all the words I need and its perfect im going to do the double space and indent

Answer 62

Okay :)

Answer 63

Do you need any more assistance or do you guys have a handle on it?

Answer 64

I am sooooo hungry. Brb, I'm going to go take out the trash to distract myself.

Answer 65

Lmao okay.. You can stay to help if youd like @YoungStudier

Answer 66

I now have 544 words.. But I still need the thesis fixed to how the teacher wants it

Answer 67

M-kay.

Answer 68

Wait, how's the teacher want it exactly?

Answer 69

It needs to follow this-- It should include your subjective definition of the topic (your focus) as well as include a preview of the two areas you will use for the development of your two body paragraphs.

Answer 70

I'm sorry, this might be a dumb question that has a no duh answer, but what's your focus for the essay?

Answer 71

Um beauty??

Answer 72

So, how beauty is viewed in the world today, right?

Answer 73

If your topic is beauty, then I make a perfect definition. just give your teacher a picture of me.

Answer 74

LOL

Answer 75

Um sure.. Lmao

Answer 76

So, @Destinyyyy , what is your thesis statement?

Answer 77

Unknown.. I suck at thesis statements -.-

Answer 78

Ok let's see....

Answer 79

My topic word is beauty.. Women's beauty

Answer 80

With the world’s definition of real beauty today, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. With the way the media talks, it makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is way too big and it is unacceptable. They believe that young women must do anything they can to stay small, such as dieting and exercising. They also believe that young women must change their bodies with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.

Answer 81

I revised your first paragraph, what do you think?

Answer 82

@Destinyyyy ?

Answer 83

I like it but @Afrodiddle changed it to-- Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.

Answer 84

It's up to you what you want to write. I was just making a suggestion ^_^

Answer 85

I could change it to -- With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.

Answer 86

Sentence 2 of @Afrodiddle 's paragraph does seem to run on quite a bit, doesn't it? :-/

Answer 87

Um yeah

Answer 88

cut out "In order to actually follow the rules of a diet you must follow a diagram of your calorie intake and then provide your body of organic meals by following the food pyramid, what they are told to do is completely unhealthy"

Answer 89

I noticed that too. But decided to ignore it. :P

Answer 90

lol so - Real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted that there are standards to follow.

or

With the world’s definition of real beauty in the world today, the media makes it difficult for a girl to be comfortable with her body. Society, in general, persuades young women to feel that any size above a two is too big, because of these new standards of how a women are suppose to look like, young women seem to think that they need to do anything in order to stay small, such as dieting, what they misunderstand is that making their food intake smaller does not mean they are going on a diet. They also believe that to be beautiful they need to change their body with makeup, tanning, and dyeing their hair. Women's beauty is based off of what is generally believed, or accepted. It seems that today, there are standards to follow in order to be beautiful.

Answer 91

brb gonna get some food

Answer 92

The second one seems more formal, I would go with that.

Answer 93

Meh, personally I like mine better. XD

Answer 94

My Mom gets annoyed when I make run on sentences so I don't think College teachers would exactly be happy either....... ^_^

Answer 95

so both vote for #2

Answer 96

Okay :) Um does it cover what she wants for the thesis or..?