Question

New rap song I am writing.... feedback please?

Answer 1

Do you know what it's like?
To feel so empty and alone inside?
yeah, at times,
Your lines can help,
but then you put pride back on the shelf,
You get torn down till nothin's left,
Then your expected to get up again?
You try to fight,
but you know that you have lost your light,
yeah, when things go wrong we sing,
but then comes words that sting,
My words come out like me,
blind to the person they want me to be,
Struggle is the name of my life,
but how long till I'm done with the strife?
I tell you the end is near,
so I'll stand up tall and end it here.

Chorus x2:

Another wish upon a star,
when death does not seem far,
Things that happen everyday,
It's no mystery to me...

Verse:
and in the end I try,
suffering again by and by,
but, people never really change,
It's the same old thing again,
fighting your way through to the end,
man, just wanna give up,
yeah, that might be the solution,
end it now and i'll end the confusion,
another life cut short,
maybe then they'll see,
that everything they want me to be?
it just tore me apart from start to end,
they start the game,
and I start to pretend.

(Chorus)

Bridge x4:
and it's comin back to me,
holding so tight,
I can barley see....

(Chorus)

It's no mystery to me...

Answer 2

It's based on real feelings..

Answer 3

@KevinM.Williams159

Answer 4

@Elsa213

Answer 5

@danish071996

Answer 6

awesome

Answer 7

@horsegirl27

Answer 8

IT'S AMAZING OMG GOOD JOB

Answer 9

cool! thnx!

Answer 10

THATS REALLY GOOD

Answer 11

its good bro keep up da good work

Answer 12

I will write anyone a song on any topic, just PM me with ANY requests. Thanks for the support guys!

Answer 13

Can I sing it?

Answer 14

yeah sure.... I just don't have any music to go with it. Also, PLEASE don't take credit for these lyrics either.

Answer 15

it's good but will go with a agresiv beat

Answer 16

AWESOME! keep it up ^.^

Answer 17

Good lyrics, lots of emotion like you wanted, good job :)

Answer 18

Great job :D You really should go for a rapper ;) You have certainly a great talent , that cannot be wasted . Be sure to go to a special place that submits rap songs and soon you'll be up there performing on the stage :D x

Answer 19

That was AMAZING! Good job man I can see that getting popular ;)

Answer 20

Aye, not bad heh heh, looks like you might make it as my side-kick, haha keeping working on the lines tho, make sure that you're not forcing them to be on temp, and remember to always have a rhyming word att he end of every line, ya can just through in a word on the end without it breaking the "comfort" and flow of the rhymes

Answer 21

Uhhhh I'm sorry bud, you might need some psychiatric help.. Thanks for trying though (:

Answer 22

Ummm I disagree with you. He wrote a song. An amazing song. End of story.

Answer 23

Haha Im his rapping trainer/friend/rap battle buddy, We're friends lol

Answer 24

^ Well thanks for making me seem like even MORE of a newbie!!! lol
It is true though, he is showing me the ropes of rap....

Answer 25

Haha never meant you a noob,
That'd of been rude,
Simply meant your being trained,
No implications at to what stage,
I dont even feel like I got enough skill,
Yet you prosiest I train you still,
So I'm doing my best, of that have no doubt,
All these bump n stuff will get smoothed out,
but till then, im the friend, with the pen,
Rapping beside you till at last this all ends.

Answer 26

Heck tbh I've done poetry longer then rapping, but eh... same thing xD

Answer 27

Yea @Tony00075309aabbc is really good at poetry