Question

Could you help me with making my thesis stronger?

Thesis : Advertisements that are truly effective for teens, share common interests and ethics that most young people have in this day and age.

Answer 1

I think my thesis should better match my points, any suggestions?


Thesis : Advertisements that are truly effective for teens, share common interests and ethics that most young people have in this day and age.

I. Exclusive clothing lines signifying the uniqueness a young individual can acclaim.

A. Having special clothing only out for a little while, ups the value on it.
B. Buying the limited clothing is more rewarding to teen because it makes them feel, " one of a kind. "
C. Buying unknown or limited time clothing accentuates the need in creating ones own style and making a statement.


II. Taking well known actors/actresses, singers, etc. that are favorably known by teens and showcasing the clothing on that individual.

A. Seeing a celebrity well known by teens draws them to the product.
B. Teens assume they'll be able to look like the celebrity when wearing their clothes.
C. It will persuade the younger people to buy and support the company of clothing because the brand supported the celebrity.


III. Symbolizing the activities young people take part in, and advertising the teens in the certain clothing, doing the certain activity.

A. Some teens that examine other teens hanging out make them envious. So, when acknowledging what the other kids are wearing, they'll subconsciously try to look like the ones in the ad, believing they'll have more fun.
B. Seeing other teens wearing certain clothing set a trend, and most follow.
C. All your friends getting together can always be fun, so when wearing clothing from the ad, maybe they'll feel a little bit more happier and connected.

Answer 2

@SolomonZelman @pooja195 i could use your input :-)

Answer 3

Advertisements that are truly effective for teens, share common interests and ethics that most young people have in this day and age.

1) Advertisements don't have interests to share. They also don't have ethics. They might portray these things, but the possessive structure is confusing.

2) When was there ever an advertisement written to an audience that no longer exists or that has yet to exist? Why is "in this day and age" even part of this Thesis?

3) Rearrange for brevity and clarity. Maybe, "Advertisements that are truly effective for teens emphasize the common interests and ethics of the targeted young people."

Answer 4

@tkhunny Thank you so much. You're amazing at English! My mind just doesn't see some things particularly in English! Thanks again