is this a good thesis statement/ how to improve it?

i am writing a paper on why sex ed (NOT abstinence only education) should be required to be taught in all middle and high schools. this is my thesis statement so far (i suck at writing these)

In order to prevent STIs and pregnancy in adolescence, all schools should be required to teach sexual education that is not abstinence only, and includes information on both same-sex and opposite-sex intercourse.

Question

is this a good thesis statement/ how to improve it?

i am writing a paper on why sex ed (NOT abstinence only education) should be required to be taught in all middle and high schools. this is my thesis statement so far (i suck at writing these)

In order to prevent STIs and pregnancy in adolescence, all schools should be required to teach sexual education that is not abstinence only, and includes information on both same-sex and opposite-sex intercourse.

anonymous · Answer

if you have a different opinion, that's cool, but please just let me know how I can improve MY thesis statement for MY opinion :)

shikamaru11 · Answer

yeah sure a nice way to your thesis :) keep it up

shikamaru11 · Answer

you can too add your religious views and some medics information :)

anonymous · Answer

i don't have religious views, i'm atheist. and how would i add in some medical information into that without making it a run-on sentence? can you give an example?

tacotime · Answer

I don't think it is important to mention same/opposite sex in the thesis. In the next section you could talk about everything that should be included in sex-ed.

shikamaru11 · Answer

hmmmmm well what can I say use your atheistical thoughts in it.......
sorry if you mind ma'm :(

anonymous · Answer

"atheist" means a person who "lacks belief" aka i don't have ANY believes regarding religion.

shikamaru11 · Answer

if it would be me I'll add some biological views with out making an run-on sentence it's a thesis about education so you can add anything related to sex-ed cause you're to persuade people and the government and without quoting examples............
well that's why i mention thoughts cz you thought in an other way Respected lady.....
hope you won't mind Ikr about atheist............. stay happy :)

tacotime · Answer

As far as being an atheist you can mention that your views are *not* motivated by religion ie many Christians believe in abstinence only ed because the bible states that you can only have sex after marriage.

anonymous · Answer

@tacotime that's a good idea, but I don't think I'll include that in my thesis statement, but I'll definately put that in my introductory paragraph :) and @Shikamaru11 thank you as well :)

shikamaru11 · Answer

@kah.x never mind it all :) thanks you for having a concern to me Stay blessed 
and @tacotime that's what i was referring to the 3rd holy book...... :)